Don't Worry, Be Happy

 

My daughter will be two in February and I think her terrible twos are starting early. She often gets stuck on one thing and has such a strong will and determination about it. The other day, Baby Ben was sitting in his little reclining chair, kicking away as 3 month olds do. Madi walked over to him and said, "Stop wiggling, Ben." He didn't stop. "Stop wiggling, Ben!" she shouted. He mistook her intentions, smiled at her and started kicking harder. "STOP WIGGLING, BEN!" She put her hand out so it was just above his foot (as if she was using the force) and began to have a little fit, screaming over and over for him to sit still. This took me by surprise because who cares if he's wiggling? We have bigger fish to fry, Madi. But she cared and she cared passionately. After an appropriate length of time (I realized this was going to involve an altercation if I didn't step in) I went over to them and said, "Madi, it's ok if Ben wiggles. Don't worry about it, be a happy girl."

 

My words hit home with me more than with her. She required much more conversation and redirection but rest assured, Ben is allowed to wiggle freely - for now.  We have been talking a lot recently about being a happy girl. When she whines and complains for no reason, she has to go to her room and can come out when she is a "happy girl." So I have been using this jargon a lot lately. I keep thinking about my words to her. "Don't worry about it, be a happy girl." Sometimes I feel like I run around trying to keep things in my life from "wiggling." When really, who cares? Just be a happy girl, Asheena.

Adorable kids on Thanksgiving

It's ok if things aren't just how I like them. I know I talk about my house a lot. I always want it to be cleaner than it is. It's this upward battle - me against the world who wants my house to be a disaster. It always does better when I don't worry about it, when I clean as I go or clean a little where I am. It all adds up and in the end it's livable and I can be a happy girl. When I am not a happy girl, things always get worse.

I will always pick kids and sanity!

Yesterday I got a break from both kids for a few hours and Mike and I cleaned. It felt so good to get things situated how I like them. It felt like a vacation. Then when Madi got home, she ran over to her toy box and threw a few things onto the ground. Maybe she was excited to be home and wanted to play. Maybe she didn't recognize the house without her toys all over the place. Or maybe she thinks they actually go on the ground and I made a mess by cleaning them up.  Or maybe she knew I wanted to keep the living room clean and it's her goal to throw me off my game - no, lets go with the first one. Either way, my illusion of a clean house was shattered. I internally sighed, then said to myself, "Don't worry about it, be a happy girl."

Amazing photo by
Ashley Jennings Photography

Encouragement

"So encourage each other and build each other up." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Last Sunday morning the usual battle of getting ready for church was in full swing at our house. Mommy and Daddy have to shower. Baby Ben has to be fed then dressed. Madi has to be fed and chased down to get dressed. Oh wait, she doesn't like what I picked out for her to wear. She wants more to eat. She wants to go Trick or Treating (she has asked every day since Halloween). She wants to take a shower with Mommy. Baby Ben is crying - didn't I feed him already? Where is the diaper bag? Does it have diapers in it? Madi wants juice. Daddy leaves to help set up. Madi wants to go with him but has to stay with Mommy (Daddy is always a much better option to her). She starts crying. Let's get back to finding an outfit for her. What leggings do you want to wear? (Don't call them tights because then she says they are too tight) Time to do Madi's hair. Ok let's go, wait - Mommy isn't dressed! Mommy throws fifteen outfits on the floor trying to find something that doesn't look half bad. Madi is jumping on the bed effectively messing up her hair. Where is Baby Ben! Oh yea, I put him in his carseat already. Madi hair make over. Find Madi's sippy cup. Put Ben in the car. Wrangle Madi into the car. Ok let's go - wait, not yet. I need the single stroller not the double stroller. Take out double stroller. Put in single stroller. Get my clothes dirty in the process. Ok, now we are ready. We are finally in the car and we are an hour early. Thank you daylight savings - no one told my kids to sleep in an extra hour!!!!!

My 2 crazy kids

That night, my husband, Mike, tells me he loves how our kids are always dressed cute and Madi's hair is done. He thanks me for taking the time and tells me I am a great Mom. That little bit of encouragement makes the morning seem like a cakewalk. All is right with my little world and all because of two encouraging sentences.

It's crazy what a difference a word of encouragement can make. I think it is underrated in our world today.

My friend, Jessica, told me her daughter's pediatrician told her she is doing a good job. "It is so reassuring to hear that" she said, "even though it may seem silly to some people, I really like hearing it."  It's not silly at all when you think about it.

I just thought this one was funny

It is important to be encouraging to people and it is something we could all benefit from. How hard is it to encourage those around us? When we see opportunity to encourage someone, we should take it. It's not hard and can help form lasting relationships.

I love to hear encouragement. Being a parent is scary enough. As a mom (insert whatever noun works for your situation: student, wife, sister, aunt, teacher, etc.) I am constantly second guessing myself and wondering if I am doing a good job. Did I make the right choice? Am I a good mother? Any words of affirmation, encouragement or support make me a more confident mother.

It is so easy to doubt yourself. That is what the enemy wants. He wants us to feel inadequate, lame, pathetic, stupid, worthless, etc. In fact, he is whispering those very things to you constantly! We have an opportunity to combat that negativeness with encouraging positive words. We should be taking every chance to encourage those we are in contact with.


The next time you see someone who could use some encouragement, go for it! Make their day!

Mistakes

I hate making mistakes, especially when it concerns my kids. Every mother makes mistakes. Even in my young motherhood lifetime I have made mistakes. Sometimes what you think will work backfires. Sometimes you don't know what to do and end up doing what you come to believe as the wrong choice. Ultimately everyone makes mistakes. I can only hope and pray that the mistakes I make aren't major.

Thanks to aunti katie for the best pics!
http://www.katietrimblephoto.blogspot.com/

No matter how good my intentions are, I will mess up: Madison has been very good with her new baby brother. She loves to kiss him (and lick him), hug him (aka squish him), share with him (Madi! he doesn't eat apples!), be next to him (or on top of him), etc. She has a sweet spirit towards him, it is not malicious or threatening (although her size can be both to him). So I was confused one day several weeks ago when she asked if she could hit him. I told her firmly that we do not hit people including Baby Ben. Later that day she asked again. I repeated myself to her and she said, "Ok, Mama." It was wierd to me because if she was going to act out why would she ask? She doesn't usually ask me to disobey, she just goes for it. This continued for a few days. She would ask to hit him and I would say no. Then one day she walked up to him and said, "Madi hit Ben" and she hit him in the most pathetic assault I've ever seen. My daughter is not petite, she knows how to throw down so I knew I had to end this before it really started. She looked over at me as she "hit" him. So I put her in timeout, we talked extensively about how we don't hit, etc etc. During this whole time I felt like I was handling it well, A+ mother award, right? Teaching my daughter not to hit is important and I felt good about nipping it early.

Later, I was burping Baby Ben after feeding him and Madi said, "MaMa hit Ben." Understanding fell on me like a ton of bricks! I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. She wanted to help me burp him!!!! Thinking back, I realized that she asked to hit him every time while I was burping him, so to her little mind I was telling her she couldn't hit Ben while I was hitting the crap out of him. She got in time out for barely touching him and I "hit" him all the time. There goes my mom award. My gold star turned into a lump of coal.

I honestly feel terrible about this incident. I have told this story to a few people and they tell me I am being too hard on myself, but I feel like while this may be a small issue now, the older they get the bigger the mistakes must get.  How do I keep myself from making more mistakes? I can't. 

The only thing I know to do is pray like crazy that God gives me the wisdom to make good decisions. He also helped me realize recently that my mistakes are an opportunity to show my kids how to handle mess ups. I apologized to Madi for misunderstanding her. She didn't know what to call it and the only word she knew for it was hitting. So she now asks me to help "pat" Ben. I can do my best with God's help to do right by my kids and when I mess up I can model appropriate behavior in handling it.

"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22:6

I cannot prevent my mistakes, I can only do my best with God's help to make as few as possible and use the ones I do make to teach and encourage my most precious gifts from heaven, my kids.

Different but just as amazing

I have a new baby boy to add to my wonderful family. I am loving this new life I have. Before he was born I wondered how I would ever love another baby as much as my little girl. Everyone told me they will be totally different but I will love them the same. I was honestly worried because I felt my daughter was super amazing and awesome so how could someone else even hold a candle to her. Well, let me tell you, everyone was right. My little boy is totally different but just as amazing!

Benjamin Michael

 

They are very different and I can tell some of the differences already. My daughter is loud, high energy and opinionated. Baby Ben is super chill and relaxed. He is content to be held, or lay on the bed, or swing in the swing, or bounce in the bouncer. Whenever he fusses, he either needs to be fed or just have a change of scenery. He is also very tolerant of his older sister and her frequent hugs, kisses, accidental kicks and bonks.

 



 

 

 

 

My discovery of how I can love my two kids the same amount but appreciate their differences reminds me of God and his love for us. He loves us all the same but made each of us different on purpose. We each have our unique personalities, strengths, weaknesses and gifts. God did this on purpose and as part of His plan. But dispite our differences and how we may percieve ourselves, he loves us infinitely and perfectly without loving one more than another. His love for us is how we should model the love we give on Earth.

 

"This is real love - not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." 1 John 4:10

 

"We love each other because he loved us first" 1 John 4:19

 

Take comfort in God's love for you this week. It is not based on what you can accomplish or achieve. It is not based on good or bad things you have done. You cannot earn it. You cannot make it disappear. Just take a moment to bask in it and feel it and take comfort in that unconditional love.





Survival Mode

So I would like to say that I have not posted in a couple weeks because I've been in nesting mode getting my house all organized and clean and ready for Baby Ben to come. I would really like to say that. Really, really bad. In reality I have been in a sort of survival mode. Its a good day if Madi and I both get bathed and fed and it's a miracle if we have successfully gotten out of the house. I have learned a lot in the last few weeks. I have learned that it is much easier to rest and nest with pregnancy #1, as pregnancy #2 is plagued with the result of pregnancy #1: a baby that grows up to be a Kamikaze climber and jumper and loves to test my patience. I have also had so much joy in my daughter in the last few weeks.

My little Kamikaze

About a week ago I watch Madison push a kitchen chair to our kitchen island and climb without any difficulty onto the island. She did not know I was watching her from the doorway so when I walked in, she was startled and looked at me. We had a stare off for a second until she broke the tension with her little "Hi."

So I decided to store the chairs on the table because I am 37 weeks pregnant, I am tired, and I don't feel like trying to instill in her the importance of not climbing on the island. Maybe I will feel up to it in a few weeks but as I said, survival mode. So I took a chair down to eat breakfast with her 2 days ago. I forgot to put it back up after breakfast. About an hour later when I came back from bathroom trip # 45 of 1000 for the day, I saw her not only on the kitchen table, but on the other chairs stacked on the table, standing, banging the light fixture. She again greeted me with her infamous "Hi."

I have been told that Madison will be able to sense that I am having another baby. I didn't really believe this until a few weeks ago. There have been some obvious changes in her life recently (and mine too but it's not socially acceptable for me to regress and act out, although Mike might be able to testify to just a touch of that). We cleaned out her room and put some of her brother's stuff in there. We bought a car seat, she no longer fits in my lap the way she likes, etc. When I took out the outfit the new baby will come home in to show my mom and sister she grabbed it and threw it across the room while screaming "NOOOOOO." She's not one for subtlety.

On Saturday, she was sitting in her high chair eating rice, her favorite food of late. She was happy and eating when all of a sudden she picked up her rice bowl and flung it across the room. Mike and I looked at each other and had to walked out because it was so inappropriate and super funny. We can learn a lot from the video I took right after the rice bowl throwing incident:

Lessons from Rice Bowl Throwing Incident:
1. SING/UH-OH
 After you decide to throw a fit and "throw your rice bowl" (insert whatever inappropriate action you are prone to making) just starting singing to yourself (Madison's favorite is the ABC's). It's as if you are in another land and have no idea what has happened. Then when questioned about the action, pretend you have no idea what happened and just yell "UH-OH!"
2. DIVERSION
If number one doesn't work, point out something else that is obviously messed up (singing flower doesn't sing anymore, he just dances). This brings the attention away from yourself and puts blame on something/someone else. It's as if you are saying, "what I did doesn't hold a candle to this other thing that is way worse and requires your immediate attention."
3. BE FUNNY
If you are still at a loss just do something crazy/funny. Try Peek a Boo. It's always a winner. You will make your accuser laugh and realize that someone so funny and cute could never have done something so crazy like throw her rice bowl. I mean, look at her she's so cute and funny.
4. CHANGE SUBJECT
Ask for some juice or something so that the accuser must now stop and accommodate you. You are so traumatized by the accusation that you are now so parched that the only remedy is juice and I'm talking now. Don't forget to throw in your "please" and "thank you."


Sometimes the things that frustrate us the most about our kids turn into the funniest and most cherished moments. I ended up sweeping and mopping the whole floor that day and I am still finding little grains of rice everywhere. But there's something about it that makes me smile. I sometimes have a hard time finding the humor and enjoyment in every frustration but when I can it makes it so much more bearable.

The other day Madi had one binki and asked for the one in my hand, when I gave it to her she help them both up and said, "two!" I felt so proud in that moment. I keep having to remind myself and be reminded that she is not only doing good but thriving despite my survival mode (she still uses a binki due to survival mode).

I sometimes struggle with guilt that I don't have the energy to do this or that with her, but I need to slow down and focus on the things that really matter. Loving and caring for Madi and growing a new baby are my calling right now. It doesn't matter that my house is a disaster and I am at the end of my rope. Somehow I will find a new rope each day and hang on for dear life.

"So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Thank you to everyone who encourages me and helps me right now during my survival mode! I really and truly couldn't do it without the encouragement and breaks I get from family and friends!

Warning: Sappy, feel good post

I don't know what to write about this week. Mike has been gone all week, he took the youth group to summer camp. Madi and I have been holding down the fort here and have thankfully had lots of help. She has been so good and she reminds me everyday how blessed I am.

Last night she woke around midnight, she was crying and saying, "Uh-Oh." I don't know what was an uh-oh, but I picked her up and sat in the rocking chair. She cuddled around me (as best she can these days) and looked into my eyes and asked me to sing. As I started to sing her song, she rested her head and fell back asleep. I thought to myself, I am beyond blessed. I can't believe God gave her to me to raise and I desperately want to do a good job.

It's getting hard to cuddle Mommy,
it's more like cuddling brother.

Since I have become a parent, I think a lot about how my parents and God view me. I have always known my parents love me, but don't think I have ever understood how much they love me until I had one of my own. I don't think I have ever really gotten how much they want me to succeed, feel good about myself and be happy. When I looked down at my baby girl after she was born, I realized that's how my parents once looked at me.

Us and Madi

My parents and me

You can multiply that by a million and realize how much God loves us. He is the ultimate parent. He is the one that is always there for us, we just have to ask. I was thinking about this last night. When we are in our 'crib' of life and we don't know what to do next, we cry out to him. He will pick us up, hold us, rock us and sing us into peacefulness again. The thing about God is, he wants to comfort us all the time, not just when we are at the end of our rope and we have no where else to turn. Imagine how much better life would be if God was the #1 comfort sought instead of a last resort.

"Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant." Psalm 119:76

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

What do I do when my daughter is pole dancing in a leopard swim suit?

Its a 4th of July BBQ. There's swimming, food, music . . . and a 16 month old pole dancing on a canopy pole. Not just once, but multiple times. I guess whenever there was a song she liked she would go to her pole and dance away. My first thought was, "My daughter is hilarious." next thought, "I'm not sure it's really appropriate." next thought, "should I do something about this." next thought, "Who taught her that?" I decided to rest my thoughts on, "She must need help with her balance." There. That's safe.

I have situations everyday where I just don't know what to do. Where is my Motherhood for Dummies book? Or my That's Normal and That's Not reference guide? Do all babies pole dance at this age? Or walk with their eyes closed? or try to drive? or run off down the sidewalk? or try to jump in the pool when no one is looking? or collect rocks? or have an obsession with pushing shopping carts worthy of psychiatric evaluation?

What do I do when I am shopping in the mall and she likes the sound of the echo her Zena Warrior Princess cry makes? Then I walk in a store and she screams at the top of her lungs "OUT" over and over and points towards the mall entrance while standing in her stroller.

On Monday I took her to gymnastics for the first time. It provided many what do I do moments. I had to sign her up while she constantly tried to climb over the barrier between the waiting area and the gym. Then when it was finally time to enter, she screamed "BALL" at the top of her lungs and kicked 4 different balls in different directions effectively hitting a few kids. During circle time, she cried and tried to run toward the slide. Every time she escaped I had to lug my ginormous belly around and chase her. During the balance beam and spring board lessons, she kept cutting in line, then she would do her Zena cry while doing the exercises. Towards the end of class, the teachers asked the parents to step back and let the kids interact on their own. My first thought, "DISASTER." They brought some toys out and filled a sand box with balls. When Madi saw those balls, she sprinted like an African Cheetah (with bowed legs) and belly flopped in the balls. She then proceeded to flail around and squeal like a pig while flinging balls everywhere. The kids all avoided her like death and I don't blame them. I didn't know what to do, so out of embarrassment/my kid is awesome, I laughed until I cried, then I took this picture:

Those balls all started in the turtle before Madi got to it

I am pretty sure we look like a travelling circus.

Madison is a free spirit and I love that about her. I wouldn't change her for anything, I just sometimes don't know what to do. It makes me sad to think that someday she won't feel comfortable enough to squeal like a pig anymore or dance wherever she deems worthy. I have to find that fine line between letting her express herself and keeping her in line. I find it actually really hard to do and I am sure I don't always make the best choices.

Lately, I find myself praying for wisdom in motherhood. It is probably my number one prayer in this season of my life. I want to lay the foundation in her life that will lead her to be successful in whatever she chooses. My job is to teach her how to live without crushing her Warrior Princess style.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James1:5

All we have to do is ask for wisdom and he will give it! That's so awesome! Thankfully I know God will help me and guide me through motherhood - in fact I am counting on it!

Uh-Oh: Mommy's a hot mess

I love that Madi is starting to talk. She is learning new words everyday and it makes me so proud. One of her favorite words is Uh-Oh. She uses it all the time. Let me highlight for you the various ways she uses and abuses her favorite word.

Appropriate Usage
I taught her Uh-Oh and the appropriate usage. So her sippy cups accidently gets knocked off her high chair - Uh-Oh. She trips and falls - Uh-Oh. It took a while for her to catch on but eventually she would use it on her own. She would even say it for other people. If Baby Cadence drops her binki, Madi takes it upon herself to say Uh-Oh for her then she is determined to shove it back in (after taking a suck herself). If I drop a piece of laundry she screams UH-OH, ma-ma UH-OH. She takes her Uh-Oh duties seriously and has become the Queen of Uh-Oh.

Serious Uh-Oh

Sneaky Usage
She has discovered that Uh-Oh is sort of an excuse. Its a free pass if you will. She now throws her sippy cup then looks at me and says Uh-Oh. She flings food across the room - but wait, here it comes - Uh-Oh she says sweetly as if to say "I have no idea how that happened". I am trying to teach her that when something is done on purpose, it no longer possesses an Uh-Oh quality but she is sticking to her guns on that one. A lot of her purposeful Uh-Ohs are experimental in nature. What happens when I throw my binki in the car? Uh-Oh. What happens when I shove my hand in my poopy diaper? Uh-Oh. What happens when I open the cubbord I'm not supposed to get into? Uh-Oh.

Accusatory Usage
One day Madison came running up to me screaming Uh-Oh in her usual obsessive Uh-Oh nature. She was pointing at a freckle on her hand. She shoved it in my face and continued to scream Uh-Oh. I told her its a freckle and Mommy has some too. They are part of our bodies and can't be rubbed off. She insisted on trying to rub it off and she still says Uh-Oh when she notices it. Then in the car she noticed that when she moves her fingers and hands in a certain way, she gets wrinkles in her knuckles and wrists. UH-OH she screams to Ashley. UH-OH! Poor child, she has wrinkles and freckles. Then she started noticing things on other people (primarily Mommy). She will sometimes get in an Uh-Oh mood and point out all my flaws. Freckle. Uh-Oh! A real wrinkle. Uh-Oh! A spot on my face. Uh-Oh! My baby belly. Uh-Oh! My dark roots. Uh-Oh! My nail polish is chipping. Uh-Oh. My knees. Uh-Oh (not sure why she deemed them Uh-Oh worthy). After an afternoon of my on again off again Uh-Oh monster, I said, "Yes, Madi, Mommy is a hot mess, I know."  

Her calculating Uh-Oh look

God does not make Uh-Ohs. Whew. What a relief. It's good to know that I am not a mistake and you aren't either (just don't ask Madison to assess you).

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb" Psalm 139:13

God didn't make a mistake when making us. All my freckles and wrinkles are part of his perfect design. Someday when Madi is older and it breaks my heart to see her being hard on herself as all girls do, I hope I can convince her that God made her perfect. Imagine if we all had the strength to tell ourselves that we are beautiful and lovely because God made us in his image? Don't believe the lies, He did not make a mistake with you and He thinks you are amazing. You are not an Uh-Oh.

Every girl should listen to this amazing song by JJ Heller called all the beauty:

Thanks for the Advice

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I have received lots of advice since being pregnant with Madison. There's all the stuff your doctors tell you, your coworkers tell you, your friends/family tell you, and then there's the random strangers. I am going to focus on the advice I found useful and hopefully you will or have too.

Madi's doctor is great. I really like her and what she has to say. She listens to me and supports me. She listens every time I am convinced Madi has some form of neuroblastoma or scoliosis or Kawasaki's Disease. It is sometimes hard to mesh a nurse/mom brain and she handles me well. She also has her own opinions on how to take care of a child. She is constantly telling me about her son and what he did at Madi's age and how great he is. Lets be real: it annoys me sometimes. I don't want to hear about how he pulled a shelf onto himself and therefore I should screw all bookshelves to the wall or how he got lost in a store so I should always keep my eye on her. It may be sound advice but as soon as she starts in on a story about her son, I tune out and think about how my daughter could probably take her son (she is pretty tough). OK, that's not my point. The best piece of advice she gave me when Madi was first born was: "You know your daughter better than anyone. Better than me, better than your friends. Take anything I or anyone else says through a filter of your own knowledge of your daughter and her needs." Wow. I was very impressed. And that is what I try to do.

Madi with Daddy at her first Doctor's appointment

My mom has also given me lots of good advice. Even though I may know my daughter best, I don't know what to do a lot of the time.  I am always running things by my mom and calling her when I don't know what to do. I always thought that being a mom would give me some innate ability to soothe, calm, understand and sense needs. LIES. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE LIES! There have been times since she has been born that I really and truly have no idea what she wants or needs. This really shook me. I felt like a failure and inept at being a mom. I remember the first time I felt comfortable enough to admit this to my own mom and she was so sweet: "Oh honey, we have all felt that way. Sometimes you just don't know." Wait. Hang on. You mean sometimes I won't know why she's crying or why she's fussy or why she walks around spitting? Yes. That is what she meant. It's still hard for me when I don't know what to do or why she's acting a certain way but I have given myself permission to admit that I don't have all the answers. Sometimes when people ask what's going on with Madi today, I say, "I don't know. Maybe she's teething, maybe she's hungry, maybe she's just cranky because she wants to be." Allowing myself to not know has been actually pretty freeing. (But it doesn't make it less frustrating when I can't figure it out) It's just OK to not have all the answers.

Madi getting a lesson on straw etiquette from Grandma Sandy

I have also gotten great advice from my Mother-in-Law, Kim. I may not know what to do all the time, but I know when I need a break. One time I needed a break really bad from the whole motherhood thing. I felt so guilty about it, but I called Kim up and asked her to watch Madi for a few hours in the afternoon. When I dropped her off, I felt like I should tell Kim that she is watching Madi so I can go to the movies. When I told her, she said, "It doesn't matter to me what you do, go have fun and relax," She told me its important for me to have time to regroup and time to spend with Mike. What I learned is that I have to take care of myself and my relationship with Madi's Daddy so we can be the best for her. When I am burned out or haven't had any time alone or with my Hubby, things just go downhill from there. Now, she may have said that so she could watch Madi more :) but it's really true. Moms need time to reboot sometimes and we need to be able to identify when that is.

Madi learning about all things Wilton with Grandma Kim

Needing time for yourself leads me to the next great piece of advice: Let people help you. (credit for this one goes to: Mom, Kim, Shayla, Jessica, Rayna, Ben, Mike, pretty much everyone!) I think this may be the hardest one for me. My daughter is super fun and amazing but she is exhausting. From food in the hair to constantly feeling the need to shut doors or saying Uh-Oh to things she purposefully did, it's hard for me to ask for help sometimes because I don't want her to annoy people with her constant energy and messiness. Last week, my brother Ben said, "Sit down, Asheena, we need to talk." OK, what's going on. He became very authoritative in his tone and told me I need to ask for help more often (I have a feeling someone put him up to this). I promised I would try harder. But, seriously, one of the best things about having many different people watch her is how well adjusted she has become and all the stuff she learns from everyone. People want to help and people are happy to help. Even her 17 year old uncles like to watch her and carry her for me. When I let people help me, it works out for the best for everyone.

Hanging with the uncles

Advice is tricky and not every mom is open to it. I think listening to advice from other people is very wise. (I didn't say taking every bit of it or that I'm always good about following the wise stuff) Sometimes that is how God speaks to us and we don't want to miss it.

"Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers." Proverbs 11:14

"Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise." Proverbs 13:10

I want what's best for my baby and those who have done it before me or have my best interest at heart have good advice that I don't want to turn a deaf ear to!

Father's Day

I am gonna take a break from the polls to talk about Dads - but please keep on voting for next week.

I have an awesome Dad who I respect and love a lot. The great things about him are what a hard worker he is, how he loves cookie dough and tacos and Disneyland (all things I love too). When he tucked us in at night, he smelled like toothpaste. I remember how he treated my mom well and loved us so much. I remember him and my mom telling us kids that we can do anything we want - and I believe them. I remember his clothes that he wears for 10 years at a time (despite buying him new clothes). I remember his jokes and how we all laughed at them because they weren't funny. He is pretty awesome.

Me and my Dad

I remember when I was a teen wondering if I would ever meet someone as good as my dad that I would want to marry and have be a dad to my kids.

I found the perfect guy. Fatherhood suits him well. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to let Mike do his thing with Madi and form a bond with her - without my interference.  He certainly does his own thing with her and I love it (most of the time). Let me share some reasons why my husband is a great Dad.

#1 - He knows how to dress her
Mike has always been eager to help with Madi. I remember getting ready for church one Sunday when she was about 3 or 4 weeks old. Now if you have had a baby you know finding clothes to fit a post-baby body is not always easy. Maternity clothes look kinda silly and pre-baby clothes are too tight. So while I was having a closet meltdown, he offered to get Madi dressed. I had a dress with tights and shoes and bow laid out for her. I was all consumed with my own dressing dilemma that I let him fend for himself for about 10-15 min before I heard a Daddy-tights meltdown happening at the same time as my closet meltdown. I looked over and he had put the bloomers on first then the onesie then the tights. He was trying to put the tights on like a pair of jeans - one leg at a time. So he got his first lesson on girl clothes. We both ended up laughing and he now remembers tights first then bloomers.

The very first church outfit that Mike tried

Since then he as dressed her countless times. Sometimes its on backwards, but at least its on. The biggest issue I have with how he dresses her is that it doesn't match. I asked him once, how did you pick that outfit? He told me he holds Madison upside down over her drawer and lets her grab stuff. Well, that explains it. So if you ever see her and she doesn't match just remember that she had a good time picking it out.

One of the best examples of a mismatched outfit

#2 She makes him laugh
She makes him laugh harder than anyone else. Everything she does is the best thing ever. Every new trick or accomplishment is amazing and he just loves it. She can do something funny 100 times over again and he is still laughing at it like its the first time.

#3 Patience & Fun
I think for some reason, in my experience, Daddys have more patience. I love to play with Madison and make her laugh and do toddler stuff with her . . . to a point. Mike can do them all day long. We have a blow up duck tub that we used when she was smaller. They use it now for "duck tours." Over and over and over and over he will drag her around the house in this duck.

He loves to make up games and activities for them to do together:

#4 Love at first sight
I could go on and on but if there is one picture that embodies how much my husband loves his little girl, its this one.

The first time he held her

The love and devotion that he has for her was present from the very first day they laid eyes on each other. I am so thankful for what a great father my husband is.


What's crazy to think about is how our heavenly father loves us even more than any earthly father possibly could.

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

There is no way to earn God's love, he already loves me and you - so much that he died for the chance to get to save us. We just have to receive the gift of love from Him.

If you have questions or want to know more about how to receive that gift, please contact me - there is nothing better - in the whole world - than knowing God and his love for you.

Pregnancy #1 vs. Pregnancy #2

Pregnancy #1 vs. Pregnancy #2 won at the polls: check out the topics for next week over to the right.

I have been very amused at the differences in #1 vs #2. I will highlight some of them for you through my experience.

Reaction
#1: Elation. With the first one, we tried for 6 months to get pregnant and when that little test said pregnant I was so excited! Mike and I had one of those movie moments where he picked me up and spun me around and there was music playing and birds were singing.
#2: Denial. We have already established that I am a planner. Baby #2 was not supposed to happen yet. Apparently God didn't look at my master plan. I refused to admit that 10 days late meant I should probably take a test. When Mike finally convinced me, I knew what it would say. He was stoked, I crawled into bed. Now let me clarify: I was not upset about having another baby, I just didn't want to do the 9 months leading up to it so soon after #1. Can I get an Amen?

Documentation
#1: I took a picture of my growing belly regularly.

Me at 20 weeks with Madison

#2: I went looking for the purposes of this blog to find a pic of me pregnant with #2. This is the closest I could find. I guess I should probably take a pregnant picture soon or I will miss my opportunity.

I think technically this picture is of Madison, but I was 20ish weeks at the time.

Doctor's Appointments
#1: They always seemed so far away and I was so excited with each one. My mom and I would make a date of it. Go to lunch, to the doctor maybe shopping all while discussing the latest developments in the pregnancy. Every little concern was brought up and discussed at length. My mom was so good to me, listening to every single little thing.
#2: Last weekend I realized I had an appt Tuesday and no sitter lined up. Man, it seemed like I should have a few more weeks before that appt crept up on me. Oh well, found a sitter, drove down there, had nothing really to report. I told my doctor a few weeks ago that I think I'm gonna refuse doing the glucose testing because I didn't feel like taking the time for it and if I'm gonna get a sitter for 2 hours I don't want to be sitting at the lab. It didn't go over well. I ended up doing the test, but I made sure he knew I thought it was ridiculous. I imagine compliance goes down with each pregnancy.

Rule Following
#1: I never stood on a chair, or lifted something too heavy. I was very good about it. I would worry if I overdid it. I was constantly concerned that something I would do would harm the baby.
#2: Well my compliance was shot on my first appt when they told me not to lift more than 20 pounds and I had a 25 pound daughter at home. I just laughed at her. That was probably rude. I have stood on chairs, jumped over things, chased Madison through stores, climbed over sleep chairs at work and carried my daughter while vacuuming. This is all not to mention what Madison herself has done to my belly: kicked, hit, stood on, sat on, punched and poked (the poking is increasing as he gets bigger) and she keeps trying to push my belly back in - it's like she knows he will take away her only child-ness. He may come out with a bruise or two.

Spouse involvement
#1: Everyday Mike would come home and ask how I'm feeling and how the baby's doing. We would spend hours talking about her and what we thought she would be like and what features we wanted her to have. I wanted his dimples and he wanted my blue eyes (God gave us both). On days off, we would sleep in and feel the baby move and then sleep some more. Every night we went for a walk hand in hand. There was more movie music.

#2: I think for the first few months we both forgot I was pregnant. If he remembered, he'd ask how I'm doing. We like to talk about him, but don't have as much time. Lazy mornings have turned into taking turns getting up with Madi. Now we wonder if this baby will look like Madi or not instead of ourselves. Our walks are contingent on her mood and involve a stroller which makes hand holding awkward and not practical. Sometimes I fall behind Mike and Madi and think, I'm just gonna sit down right here and never move. I might try it sometime.


Sometimes I feel really bad about the differences and I feel like I need to spend more time on #2, but to be honest I have to do what I can to survive and cope. Instead of beating myself up, I have to find the humor in it. I am sure God is. I know that I will make it because he promised me I would.

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

This #2 pregnancy has really shattered my illusion of having everything together and to be honest, I think it's good for me. I feel weak and tired and exhausted and it is teaching me to rely on God's strength and promise that I will make it. It's easier said than done and I'm not always very good at it - now I just have to remember that when she wakes up . . .

Thankfulness- the good, the bad and the ugly

Mike and I say to each other often, "Isn't our life great?" And it truly it. And I mean truly. Sometimes we list all the things we are thankful for and we thank God for blessing us beyond our dreams. I think he is naturally more thankful than I am, though. Whenever I am having a bad day or stressed or get caught up in what I wasn't able to accomplish in a day, he looks at me and says, "Isn't our life great?" I need that constant reminder because being a mom is something I am so so so thankful for and I don't ever want to loose sight of that due to my type A nature.

Today I was thinking about this topic and what I would write about. I got Madison ready to go to the store. We were in the car, listening to music and she was "singing" in the backseat. I LOVE it when she does that. I was so thankful for my life and the great things in it - then a ginormous bird pooped right in front of my face on my windshield. Awesome.

Sometimes we have to take the good, the bad and the ugly and just be thankful anyways.

The good - little smiles, little hands, little feet, little kisses, little discoveries. All the things you dream about when you are pregnant - those are the good things. Snuggles and laughs, first steps and holidays. The list really goes on and on and on. Everyone has their own favorite things. The other day Madison woke up earlier than normal. So I got up with her and was so tired and thought she was too so I brought her back in bed with us. She was laying between Mike and I. I told her that Mommy and Daddy are still sleeping and she needs to also. So she laid there looking bright-eyed at me. Then she turned toward Mike and poked him right in the nose and said "nose." Then she said, "Da-Da" "Hi" and waved. It was so funny we couldn't help but laugh. So instead of sleeping a little longer we were up playing with our daughter. Those are good times. Those are the memories you want to remember. Those are easy to be thankful for.

The Good - 3 Month Birthday

The bad - late nights, no free time, poop on your hand, discipline (Yuk), sharing your water glass (double yuk), messy house, gum licking, etc. I would really like to have a day where I can drink water from my glass and not have a toddler wanting to backwash in it. Sippy cups are not cool anymore. Its all about Mommy's glass. Its so much cooler - you can spit in it, you can spill it, you can hide it. I mean obviously, why would she drink from her own sippy? But seriously, there are things about being a Mom that aren't my favorite. But I need to be thankful anyway. I am learning to be stretched and I am helping raise an amazing little girl. When Madison was only a few months old, I remember Mike getting up with her. He went to change her diaper and was obviously not ready for what he found. These are the phrases I heard from my bed "Wow Madison, this is huge" "Oh no, it's on my hand" "Don't put your foot in it!" "Oh crap, now its on your jammies" "Stop kicking" To him it was bad, but I remember feeling so thankful and happy in that moment. I had an awesome daughter who could produce some major poops and I had a husband who took care of it instead of calling me to do it - plus he provided some entertainment. I was one blessed new Mommy.

The Bad - yes that is poop

The ugly - When I think about the ugly parts of Motherhood, to me it really is when something happens to your baby that is out of your control. Taking her to her first shots, the first time she bleeds, the first times another kid takes something away from her or she gets knocked down. And nothing is worse than when you provide the injury yourself. Yesterday, Madison was standing on the couch watching me put things away, when I was walking back down the hallway I looked at her like I was gonna tickle her - she laughed and threw her head back and on the way forward she slammed it into the wooden part of the couch. She cried forever and now looks like Rudolph. I feel so bad about it. I feel as if I personally hurt her. I have many stories like this and it is painful for me every time she gets hurt. She is a tough cookie so when she really cries you know it really hurt. It is hard to be thankful in these times. What I am thankful for is that she will grow up in a safe home with parents who love her and who would never purposefully hurt her.

The Ugly - Rudolph the red nosed toddler

God is waiting to bless us in all areas of our life - the good, the bad, and the ugly parts. Our job is to be thankful in every area.

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16

"O our God, we thank you and praise your glorious name!" 1 Chronicles 29:13

I need to remember that God's blessings are abundant in my life and I need to be thankful in all circumstances. Even when things are good or bad or just plain ugly - my life has purpose and it is awesome to be living for God! In what area of your life do you need to be more thankful?

What topic should I write about next week? Vote to the right.

Pick Your Battles

Baseball games are long. They are not entertaining for a 15 month old. Everything that happens at a baseball game besides the game is what entertains Madison. She doesn't want to sit and watch like her Dad and I do, she wants to walk around. She says 'Hi' to everyone 15 times a minute and tries to catch boys on scooters. She asks for 'more' of what everyone else is eating and thinks everyone came to watch her. She is pretty much the cutest thing you'll ever see at a baseball game.

Madi with Daddy at her first Big League Game

Remember my first sentence. Moment of silence please.

 As it was my turn to watch Madi at the last game, she found an area where the snack bar had dumped out some ice on the concrete. It was hot out and she got right down in it. She was smearing her hands in it and putting the ice in her mouth, rubbing her binki in it and just loving life. Now this is where I have to weigh my decision. My first instinct was 'that is so discusting', then I was thinking about how it must feel nice to get all wet in this heat and really what harm is she doing. (OK, honestly, it looked a little fun) Then someone walked by and I heard them say, "look at that baby, that's so gross."  This is one of those battles that I'm not sure if I want to take on or not. Its a gray battle for me.

Some of them are easy: Last Sunday, Mike let me sleep in and got up with Madi. (Isn't he awesome!) Anyway, when I got up, they were like perfect little greeters in the living room each with a bowl of cereal and a big smile when they saw me. I woke up in heaven, looking at my 2 favorite people. Then when Mike went to take a shower, Madi looked at me with a challenging look and dumped out her cereal. Back to reality. This is definitely a battle I am taking on. She learned the hard way that that behavior will not fly. And I learned the hard way that teaching her a lesson is just if not more taxing on me!  Her stink eye is fierce!

Example of stink eye

I do not always pick the right battles and sometimes my parenting backfires. I have to admit that I have no idea what I am doing most of the time. But I have learned that when I pick a battle I have to be consistent with it. It took 10 mins for Madi to pick up all her cereal with all the pouting and fit throwing, but I knew that since I picked it, I had to see it through. It was rough and I felt like I was beating my head against the wall. I need daily wisdom in my parenting and its something I pray for every single day.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you." James 1:5

"Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose." Psalm 25:12

When I look at her with God's eyes, I see the amazing woman of God she will become. Her personality is huge and I have the important job of helping mold her into that woman. My calling is to teach her how to act without breaking her sweet spirit.  I need help knowing when to curb Madi's behavior and when to, as my husband says, let it ride. How great is it that we have a heavenly father who is eager to help us when we don't know what to do!

Sing a New Song

I don't like change. There's just something about me that tends to resist it. I have always liked routine and tradition and all my ducks in a row. If you know me - you know that. Looking back, there are few changes that I was really excited about. Things like graduations, getting married, buying a house and being a mom. Even in those changes, not everything is a fun change. Harder school work, learning to live with another person, a mortgage, and the unknown adventure of motherhood.

Being a new mom has brought an enormous amount of change in my life. Most of it is amazing. Looking at my daughter's face in the morning as she is calling for me, teaching her new words, showing her how things work, and feeling so proud when she remembers something or calls something by the right word. Watching her explore her world and discover things brings the most intense satisfaction and joy to my life.

Ready to explore!

 Now lets talk a minute about the changes that aren't so awesome. I have less time to be organized, I am tired pretty much all the time, I don't cook or grocery shop as often, and the one that really gets my ducks-in-a-row nature: My house is a complete disaster. Madison is like baby Hulk, she destroys everything in her path. As a result, I have had to change how my house is set up and decorated.  If you see any of my pictures on facebook, you will note that the background is bound to have a random shoe, or article of clothing or toy or a kitchen stacked with dishes. My ducks are no longer in a row. I can't even find them. They might be dead.

Perfect example of messy house picture:
 note the random toys and raisins on the floor, I think thats half a bottle too.

Maybe some moms don't have this problem, but I would imagine every mom would have some area of change that really gets them. The second key I have found to being a mom is to Sing a New Song.

"He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:3

"Sing a new song to the Lord! Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!" Psalm 96:1

There are many songs and scriptures that talk about singing a new song. I don't know what it meant to the psalmist but recently when I was singing a song with those lyrics, I knew that being a mom was my new song. I have decided that my house is just gonna be messy. And thats ok. (now, I have to tell myself that over and over sometimes) It is more important to God and Madison and Mike that I am a mother who invests in my child and loves on her.

I still have days where I just really want time to clean my house (actually, how about it magically cleans itself while I catch up on some sleep). But, when I wake up in the morning and decide that my new song is going to be one of thankfulness and love and messy house, I have a wonderful mommy day. Those days when I can sing my new song to the fullest are the best days on earth!

Trust

Being a mom changes things. It starts off slow, you gain weight. You feel terrible. Something kicks you from the inside. But we don't care about these things because you know what you are getting in return. The minute you see that little thing that's been causing you all that discomfort, you would do it all again.

My sweet, sweet little girl

I am almost 15 months into being a mom and I have observed some things. As I was laying in bed the other night with baby number 2 kicking the crap out of my uterus and watching my husband sleep, I thought I might share some things I have learned, am learning and have discovered about being a mom. Sometimes it helps knowing you're not alone, or learning from others, or just laughing at other people's experiences. This is the purpose of my blog, if nothing else, be amused by me trying it.

I am not the type of mom I thought I would be. No matter what you are told or prepare for, there are things you can't predict about being a mom. The other day at my brother's baseball game I watched my daughter lick dried gum off the bleachers. Before I was a mom, if I saw a little one do that I would have probably said something to myself like, "I would never let MY kid do that." Well there you go pre-mom Asheena, there's your kid licking gum off the bleachers. Naturally, I stopped her - don't worry all you pre-moms. But there was a certain part of me that was like, "well at least she's occupied."

Gum Licker

Anyway, I can't predict what will happen and things rarely go my way so I have discovered one thing about being a mom and am daily learning it: TRUST. I choose to trust that God has a plan and his plan is better than mine. After all, he gave her to me and he loves her more than I ever could - which by the way must be an insane amount because I love her more than my life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

I know that those days when I have the greatest job in the world and my joy is matched with my frustration, God is there for me. In the easy days, and the gum licking days, he designed my life to look like this in this moment and I trust that he will carry me through.