Uh-Oh: Mommy's a hot mess

I love that Madi is starting to talk. She is learning new words everyday and it makes me so proud. One of her favorite words is Uh-Oh. She uses it all the time. Let me highlight for you the various ways she uses and abuses her favorite word.

Appropriate Usage
I taught her Uh-Oh and the appropriate usage. So her sippy cups accidently gets knocked off her high chair - Uh-Oh. She trips and falls - Uh-Oh. It took a while for her to catch on but eventually she would use it on her own. She would even say it for other people. If Baby Cadence drops her binki, Madi takes it upon herself to say Uh-Oh for her then she is determined to shove it back in (after taking a suck herself). If I drop a piece of laundry she screams UH-OH, ma-ma UH-OH. She takes her Uh-Oh duties seriously and has become the Queen of Uh-Oh.

Serious Uh-Oh

Sneaky Usage
She has discovered that Uh-Oh is sort of an excuse. Its a free pass if you will. She now throws her sippy cup then looks at me and says Uh-Oh. She flings food across the room - but wait, here it comes - Uh-Oh she says sweetly as if to say "I have no idea how that happened". I am trying to teach her that when something is done on purpose, it no longer possesses an Uh-Oh quality but she is sticking to her guns on that one. A lot of her purposeful Uh-Ohs are experimental in nature. What happens when I throw my binki in the car? Uh-Oh. What happens when I shove my hand in my poopy diaper? Uh-Oh. What happens when I open the cubbord I'm not supposed to get into? Uh-Oh.

Accusatory Usage
One day Madison came running up to me screaming Uh-Oh in her usual obsessive Uh-Oh nature. She was pointing at a freckle on her hand. She shoved it in my face and continued to scream Uh-Oh. I told her its a freckle and Mommy has some too. They are part of our bodies and can't be rubbed off. She insisted on trying to rub it off and she still says Uh-Oh when she notices it. Then in the car she noticed that when she moves her fingers and hands in a certain way, she gets wrinkles in her knuckles and wrists. UH-OH she screams to Ashley. UH-OH! Poor child, she has wrinkles and freckles. Then she started noticing things on other people (primarily Mommy). She will sometimes get in an Uh-Oh mood and point out all my flaws. Freckle. Uh-Oh! A real wrinkle. Uh-Oh! A spot on my face. Uh-Oh! My baby belly. Uh-Oh! My dark roots. Uh-Oh! My nail polish is chipping. Uh-Oh. My knees. Uh-Oh (not sure why she deemed them Uh-Oh worthy). After an afternoon of my on again off again Uh-Oh monster, I said, "Yes, Madi, Mommy is a hot mess, I know."  

Her calculating Uh-Oh look

God does not make Uh-Ohs. Whew. What a relief. It's good to know that I am not a mistake and you aren't either (just don't ask Madison to assess you).

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb" Psalm 139:13

God didn't make a mistake when making us. All my freckles and wrinkles are part of his perfect design. Someday when Madi is older and it breaks my heart to see her being hard on herself as all girls do, I hope I can convince her that God made her perfect. Imagine if we all had the strength to tell ourselves that we are beautiful and lovely because God made us in his image? Don't believe the lies, He did not make a mistake with you and He thinks you are amazing. You are not an Uh-Oh.

Every girl should listen to this amazing song by JJ Heller called all the beauty:

Thanks for the Advice

Its so fun to put topics up to vote! Please continue to vote. If you like my blog become a follower on the right! 

I have received lots of advice since being pregnant with Madison. There's all the stuff your doctors tell you, your coworkers tell you, your friends/family tell you, and then there's the random strangers. I am going to focus on the advice I found useful and hopefully you will or have too.

Madi's doctor is great. I really like her and what she has to say. She listens to me and supports me. She listens every time I am convinced Madi has some form of neuroblastoma or scoliosis or Kawasaki's Disease. It is sometimes hard to mesh a nurse/mom brain and she handles me well. She also has her own opinions on how to take care of a child. She is constantly telling me about her son and what he did at Madi's age and how great he is. Lets be real: it annoys me sometimes. I don't want to hear about how he pulled a shelf onto himself and therefore I should screw all bookshelves to the wall or how he got lost in a store so I should always keep my eye on her. It may be sound advice but as soon as she starts in on a story about her son, I tune out and think about how my daughter could probably take her son (she is pretty tough). OK, that's not my point. The best piece of advice she gave me when Madi was first born was: "You know your daughter better than anyone. Better than me, better than your friends. Take anything I or anyone else says through a filter of your own knowledge of your daughter and her needs." Wow. I was very impressed. And that is what I try to do.

Madi with Daddy at her first Doctor's appointment

My mom has also given me lots of good advice. Even though I may know my daughter best, I don't know what to do a lot of the time.  I am always running things by my mom and calling her when I don't know what to do. I always thought that being a mom would give me some innate ability to soothe, calm, understand and sense needs. LIES. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE LIES! There have been times since she has been born that I really and truly have no idea what she wants or needs. This really shook me. I felt like a failure and inept at being a mom. I remember the first time I felt comfortable enough to admit this to my own mom and she was so sweet: "Oh honey, we have all felt that way. Sometimes you just don't know." Wait. Hang on. You mean sometimes I won't know why she's crying or why she's fussy or why she walks around spitting? Yes. That is what she meant. It's still hard for me when I don't know what to do or why she's acting a certain way but I have given myself permission to admit that I don't have all the answers. Sometimes when people ask what's going on with Madi today, I say, "I don't know. Maybe she's teething, maybe she's hungry, maybe she's just cranky because she wants to be." Allowing myself to not know has been actually pretty freeing. (But it doesn't make it less frustrating when I can't figure it out) It's just OK to not have all the answers.

Madi getting a lesson on straw etiquette from Grandma Sandy

I have also gotten great advice from my Mother-in-Law, Kim. I may not know what to do all the time, but I know when I need a break. One time I needed a break really bad from the whole motherhood thing. I felt so guilty about it, but I called Kim up and asked her to watch Madi for a few hours in the afternoon. When I dropped her off, I felt like I should tell Kim that she is watching Madi so I can go to the movies. When I told her, she said, "It doesn't matter to me what you do, go have fun and relax," She told me its important for me to have time to regroup and time to spend with Mike. What I learned is that I have to take care of myself and my relationship with Madi's Daddy so we can be the best for her. When I am burned out or haven't had any time alone or with my Hubby, things just go downhill from there. Now, she may have said that so she could watch Madi more :) but it's really true. Moms need time to reboot sometimes and we need to be able to identify when that is.

Madi learning about all things Wilton with Grandma Kim

Needing time for yourself leads me to the next great piece of advice: Let people help you. (credit for this one goes to: Mom, Kim, Shayla, Jessica, Rayna, Ben, Mike, pretty much everyone!) I think this may be the hardest one for me. My daughter is super fun and amazing but she is exhausting. From food in the hair to constantly feeling the need to shut doors or saying Uh-Oh to things she purposefully did, it's hard for me to ask for help sometimes because I don't want her to annoy people with her constant energy and messiness. Last week, my brother Ben said, "Sit down, Asheena, we need to talk." OK, what's going on. He became very authoritative in his tone and told me I need to ask for help more often (I have a feeling someone put him up to this). I promised I would try harder. But, seriously, one of the best things about having many different people watch her is how well adjusted she has become and all the stuff she learns from everyone. People want to help and people are happy to help. Even her 17 year old uncles like to watch her and carry her for me. When I let people help me, it works out for the best for everyone.

Hanging with the uncles

Advice is tricky and not every mom is open to it. I think listening to advice from other people is very wise. (I didn't say taking every bit of it or that I'm always good about following the wise stuff) Sometimes that is how God speaks to us and we don't want to miss it.

"Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers." Proverbs 11:14

"Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise." Proverbs 13:10

I want what's best for my baby and those who have done it before me or have my best interest at heart have good advice that I don't want to turn a deaf ear to!

Father's Day

I am gonna take a break from the polls to talk about Dads - but please keep on voting for next week.

I have an awesome Dad who I respect and love a lot. The great things about him are what a hard worker he is, how he loves cookie dough and tacos and Disneyland (all things I love too). When he tucked us in at night, he smelled like toothpaste. I remember how he treated my mom well and loved us so much. I remember him and my mom telling us kids that we can do anything we want - and I believe them. I remember his clothes that he wears for 10 years at a time (despite buying him new clothes). I remember his jokes and how we all laughed at them because they weren't funny. He is pretty awesome.

Me and my Dad

I remember when I was a teen wondering if I would ever meet someone as good as my dad that I would want to marry and have be a dad to my kids.

I found the perfect guy. Fatherhood suits him well. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to let Mike do his thing with Madi and form a bond with her - without my interference.  He certainly does his own thing with her and I love it (most of the time). Let me share some reasons why my husband is a great Dad.

#1 - He knows how to dress her
Mike has always been eager to help with Madi. I remember getting ready for church one Sunday when she was about 3 or 4 weeks old. Now if you have had a baby you know finding clothes to fit a post-baby body is not always easy. Maternity clothes look kinda silly and pre-baby clothes are too tight. So while I was having a closet meltdown, he offered to get Madi dressed. I had a dress with tights and shoes and bow laid out for her. I was all consumed with my own dressing dilemma that I let him fend for himself for about 10-15 min before I heard a Daddy-tights meltdown happening at the same time as my closet meltdown. I looked over and he had put the bloomers on first then the onesie then the tights. He was trying to put the tights on like a pair of jeans - one leg at a time. So he got his first lesson on girl clothes. We both ended up laughing and he now remembers tights first then bloomers.

The very first church outfit that Mike tried

Since then he as dressed her countless times. Sometimes its on backwards, but at least its on. The biggest issue I have with how he dresses her is that it doesn't match. I asked him once, how did you pick that outfit? He told me he holds Madison upside down over her drawer and lets her grab stuff. Well, that explains it. So if you ever see her and she doesn't match just remember that she had a good time picking it out.

One of the best examples of a mismatched outfit

#2 She makes him laugh
She makes him laugh harder than anyone else. Everything she does is the best thing ever. Every new trick or accomplishment is amazing and he just loves it. She can do something funny 100 times over again and he is still laughing at it like its the first time.

#3 Patience & Fun
I think for some reason, in my experience, Daddys have more patience. I love to play with Madison and make her laugh and do toddler stuff with her . . . to a point. Mike can do them all day long. We have a blow up duck tub that we used when she was smaller. They use it now for "duck tours." Over and over and over and over he will drag her around the house in this duck.

He loves to make up games and activities for them to do together:

#4 Love at first sight
I could go on and on but if there is one picture that embodies how much my husband loves his little girl, its this one.

The first time he held her

The love and devotion that he has for her was present from the very first day they laid eyes on each other. I am so thankful for what a great father my husband is.


What's crazy to think about is how our heavenly father loves us even more than any earthly father possibly could.

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

There is no way to earn God's love, he already loves me and you - so much that he died for the chance to get to save us. We just have to receive the gift of love from Him.

If you have questions or want to know more about how to receive that gift, please contact me - there is nothing better - in the whole world - than knowing God and his love for you.

Pregnancy #1 vs. Pregnancy #2

Pregnancy #1 vs. Pregnancy #2 won at the polls: check out the topics for next week over to the right.

I have been very amused at the differences in #1 vs #2. I will highlight some of them for you through my experience.

Reaction
#1: Elation. With the first one, we tried for 6 months to get pregnant and when that little test said pregnant I was so excited! Mike and I had one of those movie moments where he picked me up and spun me around and there was music playing and birds were singing.
#2: Denial. We have already established that I am a planner. Baby #2 was not supposed to happen yet. Apparently God didn't look at my master plan. I refused to admit that 10 days late meant I should probably take a test. When Mike finally convinced me, I knew what it would say. He was stoked, I crawled into bed. Now let me clarify: I was not upset about having another baby, I just didn't want to do the 9 months leading up to it so soon after #1. Can I get an Amen?

Documentation
#1: I took a picture of my growing belly regularly.

Me at 20 weeks with Madison

#2: I went looking for the purposes of this blog to find a pic of me pregnant with #2. This is the closest I could find. I guess I should probably take a pregnant picture soon or I will miss my opportunity.

I think technically this picture is of Madison, but I was 20ish weeks at the time.

Doctor's Appointments
#1: They always seemed so far away and I was so excited with each one. My mom and I would make a date of it. Go to lunch, to the doctor maybe shopping all while discussing the latest developments in the pregnancy. Every little concern was brought up and discussed at length. My mom was so good to me, listening to every single little thing.
#2: Last weekend I realized I had an appt Tuesday and no sitter lined up. Man, it seemed like I should have a few more weeks before that appt crept up on me. Oh well, found a sitter, drove down there, had nothing really to report. I told my doctor a few weeks ago that I think I'm gonna refuse doing the glucose testing because I didn't feel like taking the time for it and if I'm gonna get a sitter for 2 hours I don't want to be sitting at the lab. It didn't go over well. I ended up doing the test, but I made sure he knew I thought it was ridiculous. I imagine compliance goes down with each pregnancy.

Rule Following
#1: I never stood on a chair, or lifted something too heavy. I was very good about it. I would worry if I overdid it. I was constantly concerned that something I would do would harm the baby.
#2: Well my compliance was shot on my first appt when they told me not to lift more than 20 pounds and I had a 25 pound daughter at home. I just laughed at her. That was probably rude. I have stood on chairs, jumped over things, chased Madison through stores, climbed over sleep chairs at work and carried my daughter while vacuuming. This is all not to mention what Madison herself has done to my belly: kicked, hit, stood on, sat on, punched and poked (the poking is increasing as he gets bigger) and she keeps trying to push my belly back in - it's like she knows he will take away her only child-ness. He may come out with a bruise or two.

Spouse involvement
#1: Everyday Mike would come home and ask how I'm feeling and how the baby's doing. We would spend hours talking about her and what we thought she would be like and what features we wanted her to have. I wanted his dimples and he wanted my blue eyes (God gave us both). On days off, we would sleep in and feel the baby move and then sleep some more. Every night we went for a walk hand in hand. There was more movie music.

#2: I think for the first few months we both forgot I was pregnant. If he remembered, he'd ask how I'm doing. We like to talk about him, but don't have as much time. Lazy mornings have turned into taking turns getting up with Madi. Now we wonder if this baby will look like Madi or not instead of ourselves. Our walks are contingent on her mood and involve a stroller which makes hand holding awkward and not practical. Sometimes I fall behind Mike and Madi and think, I'm just gonna sit down right here and never move. I might try it sometime.


Sometimes I feel really bad about the differences and I feel like I need to spend more time on #2, but to be honest I have to do what I can to survive and cope. Instead of beating myself up, I have to find the humor in it. I am sure God is. I know that I will make it because he promised me I would.

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

This #2 pregnancy has really shattered my illusion of having everything together and to be honest, I think it's good for me. I feel weak and tired and exhausted and it is teaching me to rely on God's strength and promise that I will make it. It's easier said than done and I'm not always very good at it - now I just have to remember that when she wakes up . . .