Thanks for the Advice

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I have received lots of advice since being pregnant with Madison. There's all the stuff your doctors tell you, your coworkers tell you, your friends/family tell you, and then there's the random strangers. I am going to focus on the advice I found useful and hopefully you will or have too.

Madi's doctor is great. I really like her and what she has to say. She listens to me and supports me. She listens every time I am convinced Madi has some form of neuroblastoma or scoliosis or Kawasaki's Disease. It is sometimes hard to mesh a nurse/mom brain and she handles me well. She also has her own opinions on how to take care of a child. She is constantly telling me about her son and what he did at Madi's age and how great he is. Lets be real: it annoys me sometimes. I don't want to hear about how he pulled a shelf onto himself and therefore I should screw all bookshelves to the wall or how he got lost in a store so I should always keep my eye on her. It may be sound advice but as soon as she starts in on a story about her son, I tune out and think about how my daughter could probably take her son (she is pretty tough). OK, that's not my point. The best piece of advice she gave me when Madi was first born was: "You know your daughter better than anyone. Better than me, better than your friends. Take anything I or anyone else says through a filter of your own knowledge of your daughter and her needs." Wow. I was very impressed. And that is what I try to do.

Madi with Daddy at her first Doctor's appointment

My mom has also given me lots of good advice. Even though I may know my daughter best, I don't know what to do a lot of the time.  I am always running things by my mom and calling her when I don't know what to do. I always thought that being a mom would give me some innate ability to soothe, calm, understand and sense needs. LIES. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE LIES! There have been times since she has been born that I really and truly have no idea what she wants or needs. This really shook me. I felt like a failure and inept at being a mom. I remember the first time I felt comfortable enough to admit this to my own mom and she was so sweet: "Oh honey, we have all felt that way. Sometimes you just don't know." Wait. Hang on. You mean sometimes I won't know why she's crying or why she's fussy or why she walks around spitting? Yes. That is what she meant. It's still hard for me when I don't know what to do or why she's acting a certain way but I have given myself permission to admit that I don't have all the answers. Sometimes when people ask what's going on with Madi today, I say, "I don't know. Maybe she's teething, maybe she's hungry, maybe she's just cranky because she wants to be." Allowing myself to not know has been actually pretty freeing. (But it doesn't make it less frustrating when I can't figure it out) It's just OK to not have all the answers.

Madi getting a lesson on straw etiquette from Grandma Sandy

I have also gotten great advice from my Mother-in-Law, Kim. I may not know what to do all the time, but I know when I need a break. One time I needed a break really bad from the whole motherhood thing. I felt so guilty about it, but I called Kim up and asked her to watch Madi for a few hours in the afternoon. When I dropped her off, I felt like I should tell Kim that she is watching Madi so I can go to the movies. When I told her, she said, "It doesn't matter to me what you do, go have fun and relax," She told me its important for me to have time to regroup and time to spend with Mike. What I learned is that I have to take care of myself and my relationship with Madi's Daddy so we can be the best for her. When I am burned out or haven't had any time alone or with my Hubby, things just go downhill from there. Now, she may have said that so she could watch Madi more :) but it's really true. Moms need time to reboot sometimes and we need to be able to identify when that is.

Madi learning about all things Wilton with Grandma Kim

Needing time for yourself leads me to the next great piece of advice: Let people help you. (credit for this one goes to: Mom, Kim, Shayla, Jessica, Rayna, Ben, Mike, pretty much everyone!) I think this may be the hardest one for me. My daughter is super fun and amazing but she is exhausting. From food in the hair to constantly feeling the need to shut doors or saying Uh-Oh to things she purposefully did, it's hard for me to ask for help sometimes because I don't want her to annoy people with her constant energy and messiness. Last week, my brother Ben said, "Sit down, Asheena, we need to talk." OK, what's going on. He became very authoritative in his tone and told me I need to ask for help more often (I have a feeling someone put him up to this). I promised I would try harder. But, seriously, one of the best things about having many different people watch her is how well adjusted she has become and all the stuff she learns from everyone. People want to help and people are happy to help. Even her 17 year old uncles like to watch her and carry her for me. When I let people help me, it works out for the best for everyone.

Hanging with the uncles

Advice is tricky and not every mom is open to it. I think listening to advice from other people is very wise. (I didn't say taking every bit of it or that I'm always good about following the wise stuff) Sometimes that is how God speaks to us and we don't want to miss it.

"Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers." Proverbs 11:14

"Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise." Proverbs 13:10

I want what's best for my baby and those who have done it before me or have my best interest at heart have good advice that I don't want to turn a deaf ear to!