Survival Mode

So I would like to say that I have not posted in a couple weeks because I've been in nesting mode getting my house all organized and clean and ready for Baby Ben to come. I would really like to say that. Really, really bad. In reality I have been in a sort of survival mode. Its a good day if Madi and I both get bathed and fed and it's a miracle if we have successfully gotten out of the house. I have learned a lot in the last few weeks. I have learned that it is much easier to rest and nest with pregnancy #1, as pregnancy #2 is plagued with the result of pregnancy #1: a baby that grows up to be a Kamikaze climber and jumper and loves to test my patience. I have also had so much joy in my daughter in the last few weeks.

My little Kamikaze

About a week ago I watch Madison push a kitchen chair to our kitchen island and climb without any difficulty onto the island. She did not know I was watching her from the doorway so when I walked in, she was startled and looked at me. We had a stare off for a second until she broke the tension with her little "Hi."

So I decided to store the chairs on the table because I am 37 weeks pregnant, I am tired, and I don't feel like trying to instill in her the importance of not climbing on the island. Maybe I will feel up to it in a few weeks but as I said, survival mode. So I took a chair down to eat breakfast with her 2 days ago. I forgot to put it back up after breakfast. About an hour later when I came back from bathroom trip # 45 of 1000 for the day, I saw her not only on the kitchen table, but on the other chairs stacked on the table, standing, banging the light fixture. She again greeted me with her infamous "Hi."

I have been told that Madison will be able to sense that I am having another baby. I didn't really believe this until a few weeks ago. There have been some obvious changes in her life recently (and mine too but it's not socially acceptable for me to regress and act out, although Mike might be able to testify to just a touch of that). We cleaned out her room and put some of her brother's stuff in there. We bought a car seat, she no longer fits in my lap the way she likes, etc. When I took out the outfit the new baby will come home in to show my mom and sister she grabbed it and threw it across the room while screaming "NOOOOOO." She's not one for subtlety.

On Saturday, she was sitting in her high chair eating rice, her favorite food of late. She was happy and eating when all of a sudden she picked up her rice bowl and flung it across the room. Mike and I looked at each other and had to walked out because it was so inappropriate and super funny. We can learn a lot from the video I took right after the rice bowl throwing incident:

Lessons from Rice Bowl Throwing Incident:
1. SING/UH-OH
 After you decide to throw a fit and "throw your rice bowl" (insert whatever inappropriate action you are prone to making) just starting singing to yourself (Madison's favorite is the ABC's). It's as if you are in another land and have no idea what has happened. Then when questioned about the action, pretend you have no idea what happened and just yell "UH-OH!"
2. DIVERSION
If number one doesn't work, point out something else that is obviously messed up (singing flower doesn't sing anymore, he just dances). This brings the attention away from yourself and puts blame on something/someone else. It's as if you are saying, "what I did doesn't hold a candle to this other thing that is way worse and requires your immediate attention."
3. BE FUNNY
If you are still at a loss just do something crazy/funny. Try Peek a Boo. It's always a winner. You will make your accuser laugh and realize that someone so funny and cute could never have done something so crazy like throw her rice bowl. I mean, look at her she's so cute and funny.
4. CHANGE SUBJECT
Ask for some juice or something so that the accuser must now stop and accommodate you. You are so traumatized by the accusation that you are now so parched that the only remedy is juice and I'm talking now. Don't forget to throw in your "please" and "thank you."


Sometimes the things that frustrate us the most about our kids turn into the funniest and most cherished moments. I ended up sweeping and mopping the whole floor that day and I am still finding little grains of rice everywhere. But there's something about it that makes me smile. I sometimes have a hard time finding the humor and enjoyment in every frustration but when I can it makes it so much more bearable.

The other day Madi had one binki and asked for the one in my hand, when I gave it to her she help them both up and said, "two!" I felt so proud in that moment. I keep having to remind myself and be reminded that she is not only doing good but thriving despite my survival mode (she still uses a binki due to survival mode).

I sometimes struggle with guilt that I don't have the energy to do this or that with her, but I need to slow down and focus on the things that really matter. Loving and caring for Madi and growing a new baby are my calling right now. It doesn't matter that my house is a disaster and I am at the end of my rope. Somehow I will find a new rope each day and hang on for dear life.

"So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Thank you to everyone who encourages me and helps me right now during my survival mode! I really and truly couldn't do it without the encouragement and breaks I get from family and friends!

Warning: Sappy, feel good post

I don't know what to write about this week. Mike has been gone all week, he took the youth group to summer camp. Madi and I have been holding down the fort here and have thankfully had lots of help. She has been so good and she reminds me everyday how blessed I am.

Last night she woke around midnight, she was crying and saying, "Uh-Oh." I don't know what was an uh-oh, but I picked her up and sat in the rocking chair. She cuddled around me (as best she can these days) and looked into my eyes and asked me to sing. As I started to sing her song, she rested her head and fell back asleep. I thought to myself, I am beyond blessed. I can't believe God gave her to me to raise and I desperately want to do a good job.

It's getting hard to cuddle Mommy,
it's more like cuddling brother.

Since I have become a parent, I think a lot about how my parents and God view me. I have always known my parents love me, but don't think I have ever understood how much they love me until I had one of my own. I don't think I have ever really gotten how much they want me to succeed, feel good about myself and be happy. When I looked down at my baby girl after she was born, I realized that's how my parents once looked at me.

Us and Madi

My parents and me

You can multiply that by a million and realize how much God loves us. He is the ultimate parent. He is the one that is always there for us, we just have to ask. I was thinking about this last night. When we are in our 'crib' of life and we don't know what to do next, we cry out to him. He will pick us up, hold us, rock us and sing us into peacefulness again. The thing about God is, he wants to comfort us all the time, not just when we are at the end of our rope and we have no where else to turn. Imagine how much better life would be if God was the #1 comfort sought instead of a last resort.

"Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant." Psalm 119:76

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

What do I do when my daughter is pole dancing in a leopard swim suit?

Its a 4th of July BBQ. There's swimming, food, music . . . and a 16 month old pole dancing on a canopy pole. Not just once, but multiple times. I guess whenever there was a song she liked she would go to her pole and dance away. My first thought was, "My daughter is hilarious." next thought, "I'm not sure it's really appropriate." next thought, "should I do something about this." next thought, "Who taught her that?" I decided to rest my thoughts on, "She must need help with her balance." There. That's safe.

I have situations everyday where I just don't know what to do. Where is my Motherhood for Dummies book? Or my That's Normal and That's Not reference guide? Do all babies pole dance at this age? Or walk with their eyes closed? or try to drive? or run off down the sidewalk? or try to jump in the pool when no one is looking? or collect rocks? or have an obsession with pushing shopping carts worthy of psychiatric evaluation?

What do I do when I am shopping in the mall and she likes the sound of the echo her Zena Warrior Princess cry makes? Then I walk in a store and she screams at the top of her lungs "OUT" over and over and points towards the mall entrance while standing in her stroller.

On Monday I took her to gymnastics for the first time. It provided many what do I do moments. I had to sign her up while she constantly tried to climb over the barrier between the waiting area and the gym. Then when it was finally time to enter, she screamed "BALL" at the top of her lungs and kicked 4 different balls in different directions effectively hitting a few kids. During circle time, she cried and tried to run toward the slide. Every time she escaped I had to lug my ginormous belly around and chase her. During the balance beam and spring board lessons, she kept cutting in line, then she would do her Zena cry while doing the exercises. Towards the end of class, the teachers asked the parents to step back and let the kids interact on their own. My first thought, "DISASTER." They brought some toys out and filled a sand box with balls. When Madi saw those balls, she sprinted like an African Cheetah (with bowed legs) and belly flopped in the balls. She then proceeded to flail around and squeal like a pig while flinging balls everywhere. The kids all avoided her like death and I don't blame them. I didn't know what to do, so out of embarrassment/my kid is awesome, I laughed until I cried, then I took this picture:

Those balls all started in the turtle before Madi got to it

I am pretty sure we look like a travelling circus.

Madison is a free spirit and I love that about her. I wouldn't change her for anything, I just sometimes don't know what to do. It makes me sad to think that someday she won't feel comfortable enough to squeal like a pig anymore or dance wherever she deems worthy. I have to find that fine line between letting her express herself and keeping her in line. I find it actually really hard to do and I am sure I don't always make the best choices.

Lately, I find myself praying for wisdom in motherhood. It is probably my number one prayer in this season of my life. I want to lay the foundation in her life that will lead her to be successful in whatever she chooses. My job is to teach her how to live without crushing her Warrior Princess style.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James1:5

All we have to do is ask for wisdom and he will give it! That's so awesome! Thankfully I know God will help me and guide me through motherhood - in fact I am counting on it!