Mistakes

I hate making mistakes, especially when it concerns my kids. Every mother makes mistakes. Even in my young motherhood lifetime I have made mistakes. Sometimes what you think will work backfires. Sometimes you don't know what to do and end up doing what you come to believe as the wrong choice. Ultimately everyone makes mistakes. I can only hope and pray that the mistakes I make aren't major.

Thanks to aunti katie for the best pics!
http://www.katietrimblephoto.blogspot.com/

No matter how good my intentions are, I will mess up: Madison has been very good with her new baby brother. She loves to kiss him (and lick him), hug him (aka squish him), share with him (Madi! he doesn't eat apples!), be next to him (or on top of him), etc. She has a sweet spirit towards him, it is not malicious or threatening (although her size can be both to him). So I was confused one day several weeks ago when she asked if she could hit him. I told her firmly that we do not hit people including Baby Ben. Later that day she asked again. I repeated myself to her and she said, "Ok, Mama." It was wierd to me because if she was going to act out why would she ask? She doesn't usually ask me to disobey, she just goes for it. This continued for a few days. She would ask to hit him and I would say no. Then one day she walked up to him and said, "Madi hit Ben" and she hit him in the most pathetic assault I've ever seen. My daughter is not petite, she knows how to throw down so I knew I had to end this before it really started. She looked over at me as she "hit" him. So I put her in timeout, we talked extensively about how we don't hit, etc etc. During this whole time I felt like I was handling it well, A+ mother award, right? Teaching my daughter not to hit is important and I felt good about nipping it early.

Later, I was burping Baby Ben after feeding him and Madi said, "MaMa hit Ben." Understanding fell on me like a ton of bricks! I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. She wanted to help me burp him!!!! Thinking back, I realized that she asked to hit him every time while I was burping him, so to her little mind I was telling her she couldn't hit Ben while I was hitting the crap out of him. She got in time out for barely touching him and I "hit" him all the time. There goes my mom award. My gold star turned into a lump of coal.

I honestly feel terrible about this incident. I have told this story to a few people and they tell me I am being too hard on myself, but I feel like while this may be a small issue now, the older they get the bigger the mistakes must get.  How do I keep myself from making more mistakes? I can't. 

The only thing I know to do is pray like crazy that God gives me the wisdom to make good decisions. He also helped me realize recently that my mistakes are an opportunity to show my kids how to handle mess ups. I apologized to Madi for misunderstanding her. She didn't know what to call it and the only word she knew for it was hitting. So she now asks me to help "pat" Ben. I can do my best with God's help to do right by my kids and when I mess up I can model appropriate behavior in handling it.

"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22:6

I cannot prevent my mistakes, I can only do my best with God's help to make as few as possible and use the ones I do make to teach and encourage my most precious gifts from heaven, my kids.