Different but just as amazing

I have a new baby boy to add to my wonderful family. I am loving this new life I have. Before he was born I wondered how I would ever love another baby as much as my little girl. Everyone told me they will be totally different but I will love them the same. I was honestly worried because I felt my daughter was super amazing and awesome so how could someone else even hold a candle to her. Well, let me tell you, everyone was right. My little boy is totally different but just as amazing!

Benjamin Michael

 

They are very different and I can tell some of the differences already. My daughter is loud, high energy and opinionated. Baby Ben is super chill and relaxed. He is content to be held, or lay on the bed, or swing in the swing, or bounce in the bouncer. Whenever he fusses, he either needs to be fed or just have a change of scenery. He is also very tolerant of his older sister and her frequent hugs, kisses, accidental kicks and bonks.

 



 

 

 

 

My discovery of how I can love my two kids the same amount but appreciate their differences reminds me of God and his love for us. He loves us all the same but made each of us different on purpose. We each have our unique personalities, strengths, weaknesses and gifts. God did this on purpose and as part of His plan. But dispite our differences and how we may percieve ourselves, he loves us infinitely and perfectly without loving one more than another. His love for us is how we should model the love we give on Earth.

 

"This is real love - not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." 1 John 4:10

 

"We love each other because he loved us first" 1 John 4:19

 

Take comfort in God's love for you this week. It is not based on what you can accomplish or achieve. It is not based on good or bad things you have done. You cannot earn it. You cannot make it disappear. Just take a moment to bask in it and feel it and take comfort in that unconditional love.





Survival Mode

So I would like to say that I have not posted in a couple weeks because I've been in nesting mode getting my house all organized and clean and ready for Baby Ben to come. I would really like to say that. Really, really bad. In reality I have been in a sort of survival mode. Its a good day if Madi and I both get bathed and fed and it's a miracle if we have successfully gotten out of the house. I have learned a lot in the last few weeks. I have learned that it is much easier to rest and nest with pregnancy #1, as pregnancy #2 is plagued with the result of pregnancy #1: a baby that grows up to be a Kamikaze climber and jumper and loves to test my patience. I have also had so much joy in my daughter in the last few weeks.

My little Kamikaze

About a week ago I watch Madison push a kitchen chair to our kitchen island and climb without any difficulty onto the island. She did not know I was watching her from the doorway so when I walked in, she was startled and looked at me. We had a stare off for a second until she broke the tension with her little "Hi."

So I decided to store the chairs on the table because I am 37 weeks pregnant, I am tired, and I don't feel like trying to instill in her the importance of not climbing on the island. Maybe I will feel up to it in a few weeks but as I said, survival mode. So I took a chair down to eat breakfast with her 2 days ago. I forgot to put it back up after breakfast. About an hour later when I came back from bathroom trip # 45 of 1000 for the day, I saw her not only on the kitchen table, but on the other chairs stacked on the table, standing, banging the light fixture. She again greeted me with her infamous "Hi."

I have been told that Madison will be able to sense that I am having another baby. I didn't really believe this until a few weeks ago. There have been some obvious changes in her life recently (and mine too but it's not socially acceptable for me to regress and act out, although Mike might be able to testify to just a touch of that). We cleaned out her room and put some of her brother's stuff in there. We bought a car seat, she no longer fits in my lap the way she likes, etc. When I took out the outfit the new baby will come home in to show my mom and sister she grabbed it and threw it across the room while screaming "NOOOOOO." She's not one for subtlety.

On Saturday, she was sitting in her high chair eating rice, her favorite food of late. She was happy and eating when all of a sudden she picked up her rice bowl and flung it across the room. Mike and I looked at each other and had to walked out because it was so inappropriate and super funny. We can learn a lot from the video I took right after the rice bowl throwing incident:

Lessons from Rice Bowl Throwing Incident:
1. SING/UH-OH
 After you decide to throw a fit and "throw your rice bowl" (insert whatever inappropriate action you are prone to making) just starting singing to yourself (Madison's favorite is the ABC's). It's as if you are in another land and have no idea what has happened. Then when questioned about the action, pretend you have no idea what happened and just yell "UH-OH!"
2. DIVERSION
If number one doesn't work, point out something else that is obviously messed up (singing flower doesn't sing anymore, he just dances). This brings the attention away from yourself and puts blame on something/someone else. It's as if you are saying, "what I did doesn't hold a candle to this other thing that is way worse and requires your immediate attention."
3. BE FUNNY
If you are still at a loss just do something crazy/funny. Try Peek a Boo. It's always a winner. You will make your accuser laugh and realize that someone so funny and cute could never have done something so crazy like throw her rice bowl. I mean, look at her she's so cute and funny.
4. CHANGE SUBJECT
Ask for some juice or something so that the accuser must now stop and accommodate you. You are so traumatized by the accusation that you are now so parched that the only remedy is juice and I'm talking now. Don't forget to throw in your "please" and "thank you."


Sometimes the things that frustrate us the most about our kids turn into the funniest and most cherished moments. I ended up sweeping and mopping the whole floor that day and I am still finding little grains of rice everywhere. But there's something about it that makes me smile. I sometimes have a hard time finding the humor and enjoyment in every frustration but when I can it makes it so much more bearable.

The other day Madi had one binki and asked for the one in my hand, when I gave it to her she help them both up and said, "two!" I felt so proud in that moment. I keep having to remind myself and be reminded that she is not only doing good but thriving despite my survival mode (she still uses a binki due to survival mode).

I sometimes struggle with guilt that I don't have the energy to do this or that with her, but I need to slow down and focus on the things that really matter. Loving and caring for Madi and growing a new baby are my calling right now. It doesn't matter that my house is a disaster and I am at the end of my rope. Somehow I will find a new rope each day and hang on for dear life.

"So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Thank you to everyone who encourages me and helps me right now during my survival mode! I really and truly couldn't do it without the encouragement and breaks I get from family and friends!

Warning: Sappy, feel good post

I don't know what to write about this week. Mike has been gone all week, he took the youth group to summer camp. Madi and I have been holding down the fort here and have thankfully had lots of help. She has been so good and she reminds me everyday how blessed I am.

Last night she woke around midnight, she was crying and saying, "Uh-Oh." I don't know what was an uh-oh, but I picked her up and sat in the rocking chair. She cuddled around me (as best she can these days) and looked into my eyes and asked me to sing. As I started to sing her song, she rested her head and fell back asleep. I thought to myself, I am beyond blessed. I can't believe God gave her to me to raise and I desperately want to do a good job.

It's getting hard to cuddle Mommy,
it's more like cuddling brother.

Since I have become a parent, I think a lot about how my parents and God view me. I have always known my parents love me, but don't think I have ever understood how much they love me until I had one of my own. I don't think I have ever really gotten how much they want me to succeed, feel good about myself and be happy. When I looked down at my baby girl after she was born, I realized that's how my parents once looked at me.

Us and Madi

My parents and me

You can multiply that by a million and realize how much God loves us. He is the ultimate parent. He is the one that is always there for us, we just have to ask. I was thinking about this last night. When we are in our 'crib' of life and we don't know what to do next, we cry out to him. He will pick us up, hold us, rock us and sing us into peacefulness again. The thing about God is, he wants to comfort us all the time, not just when we are at the end of our rope and we have no where else to turn. Imagine how much better life would be if God was the #1 comfort sought instead of a last resort.

"Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant." Psalm 119:76

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

What do I do when my daughter is pole dancing in a leopard swim suit?

Its a 4th of July BBQ. There's swimming, food, music . . . and a 16 month old pole dancing on a canopy pole. Not just once, but multiple times. I guess whenever there was a song she liked she would go to her pole and dance away. My first thought was, "My daughter is hilarious." next thought, "I'm not sure it's really appropriate." next thought, "should I do something about this." next thought, "Who taught her that?" I decided to rest my thoughts on, "She must need help with her balance." There. That's safe.

I have situations everyday where I just don't know what to do. Where is my Motherhood for Dummies book? Or my That's Normal and That's Not reference guide? Do all babies pole dance at this age? Or walk with their eyes closed? or try to drive? or run off down the sidewalk? or try to jump in the pool when no one is looking? or collect rocks? or have an obsession with pushing shopping carts worthy of psychiatric evaluation?

What do I do when I am shopping in the mall and she likes the sound of the echo her Zena Warrior Princess cry makes? Then I walk in a store and she screams at the top of her lungs "OUT" over and over and points towards the mall entrance while standing in her stroller.

On Monday I took her to gymnastics for the first time. It provided many what do I do moments. I had to sign her up while she constantly tried to climb over the barrier between the waiting area and the gym. Then when it was finally time to enter, she screamed "BALL" at the top of her lungs and kicked 4 different balls in different directions effectively hitting a few kids. During circle time, she cried and tried to run toward the slide. Every time she escaped I had to lug my ginormous belly around and chase her. During the balance beam and spring board lessons, she kept cutting in line, then she would do her Zena cry while doing the exercises. Towards the end of class, the teachers asked the parents to step back and let the kids interact on their own. My first thought, "DISASTER." They brought some toys out and filled a sand box with balls. When Madi saw those balls, she sprinted like an African Cheetah (with bowed legs) and belly flopped in the balls. She then proceeded to flail around and squeal like a pig while flinging balls everywhere. The kids all avoided her like death and I don't blame them. I didn't know what to do, so out of embarrassment/my kid is awesome, I laughed until I cried, then I took this picture:

Those balls all started in the turtle before Madi got to it

I am pretty sure we look like a travelling circus.

Madison is a free spirit and I love that about her. I wouldn't change her for anything, I just sometimes don't know what to do. It makes me sad to think that someday she won't feel comfortable enough to squeal like a pig anymore or dance wherever she deems worthy. I have to find that fine line between letting her express herself and keeping her in line. I find it actually really hard to do and I am sure I don't always make the best choices.

Lately, I find myself praying for wisdom in motherhood. It is probably my number one prayer in this season of my life. I want to lay the foundation in her life that will lead her to be successful in whatever she chooses. My job is to teach her how to live without crushing her Warrior Princess style.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James1:5

All we have to do is ask for wisdom and he will give it! That's so awesome! Thankfully I know God will help me and guide me through motherhood - in fact I am counting on it!

Uh-Oh: Mommy's a hot mess

I love that Madi is starting to talk. She is learning new words everyday and it makes me so proud. One of her favorite words is Uh-Oh. She uses it all the time. Let me highlight for you the various ways she uses and abuses her favorite word.

Appropriate Usage
I taught her Uh-Oh and the appropriate usage. So her sippy cups accidently gets knocked off her high chair - Uh-Oh. She trips and falls - Uh-Oh. It took a while for her to catch on but eventually she would use it on her own. She would even say it for other people. If Baby Cadence drops her binki, Madi takes it upon herself to say Uh-Oh for her then she is determined to shove it back in (after taking a suck herself). If I drop a piece of laundry she screams UH-OH, ma-ma UH-OH. She takes her Uh-Oh duties seriously and has become the Queen of Uh-Oh.

Serious Uh-Oh

Sneaky Usage
She has discovered that Uh-Oh is sort of an excuse. Its a free pass if you will. She now throws her sippy cup then looks at me and says Uh-Oh. She flings food across the room - but wait, here it comes - Uh-Oh she says sweetly as if to say "I have no idea how that happened". I am trying to teach her that when something is done on purpose, it no longer possesses an Uh-Oh quality but she is sticking to her guns on that one. A lot of her purposeful Uh-Ohs are experimental in nature. What happens when I throw my binki in the car? Uh-Oh. What happens when I shove my hand in my poopy diaper? Uh-Oh. What happens when I open the cubbord I'm not supposed to get into? Uh-Oh.

Accusatory Usage
One day Madison came running up to me screaming Uh-Oh in her usual obsessive Uh-Oh nature. She was pointing at a freckle on her hand. She shoved it in my face and continued to scream Uh-Oh. I told her its a freckle and Mommy has some too. They are part of our bodies and can't be rubbed off. She insisted on trying to rub it off and she still says Uh-Oh when she notices it. Then in the car she noticed that when she moves her fingers and hands in a certain way, she gets wrinkles in her knuckles and wrists. UH-OH she screams to Ashley. UH-OH! Poor child, she has wrinkles and freckles. Then she started noticing things on other people (primarily Mommy). She will sometimes get in an Uh-Oh mood and point out all my flaws. Freckle. Uh-Oh! A real wrinkle. Uh-Oh! A spot on my face. Uh-Oh! My baby belly. Uh-Oh! My dark roots. Uh-Oh! My nail polish is chipping. Uh-Oh. My knees. Uh-Oh (not sure why she deemed them Uh-Oh worthy). After an afternoon of my on again off again Uh-Oh monster, I said, "Yes, Madi, Mommy is a hot mess, I know."  

Her calculating Uh-Oh look

God does not make Uh-Ohs. Whew. What a relief. It's good to know that I am not a mistake and you aren't either (just don't ask Madison to assess you).

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb" Psalm 139:13

God didn't make a mistake when making us. All my freckles and wrinkles are part of his perfect design. Someday when Madi is older and it breaks my heart to see her being hard on herself as all girls do, I hope I can convince her that God made her perfect. Imagine if we all had the strength to tell ourselves that we are beautiful and lovely because God made us in his image? Don't believe the lies, He did not make a mistake with you and He thinks you are amazing. You are not an Uh-Oh.

Every girl should listen to this amazing song by JJ Heller called all the beauty:

Thanks for the Advice

Its so fun to put topics up to vote! Please continue to vote. If you like my blog become a follower on the right! 

I have received lots of advice since being pregnant with Madison. There's all the stuff your doctors tell you, your coworkers tell you, your friends/family tell you, and then there's the random strangers. I am going to focus on the advice I found useful and hopefully you will or have too.

Madi's doctor is great. I really like her and what she has to say. She listens to me and supports me. She listens every time I am convinced Madi has some form of neuroblastoma or scoliosis or Kawasaki's Disease. It is sometimes hard to mesh a nurse/mom brain and she handles me well. She also has her own opinions on how to take care of a child. She is constantly telling me about her son and what he did at Madi's age and how great he is. Lets be real: it annoys me sometimes. I don't want to hear about how he pulled a shelf onto himself and therefore I should screw all bookshelves to the wall or how he got lost in a store so I should always keep my eye on her. It may be sound advice but as soon as she starts in on a story about her son, I tune out and think about how my daughter could probably take her son (she is pretty tough). OK, that's not my point. The best piece of advice she gave me when Madi was first born was: "You know your daughter better than anyone. Better than me, better than your friends. Take anything I or anyone else says through a filter of your own knowledge of your daughter and her needs." Wow. I was very impressed. And that is what I try to do.

Madi with Daddy at her first Doctor's appointment

My mom has also given me lots of good advice. Even though I may know my daughter best, I don't know what to do a lot of the time.  I am always running things by my mom and calling her when I don't know what to do. I always thought that being a mom would give me some innate ability to soothe, calm, understand and sense needs. LIES. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE LIES! There have been times since she has been born that I really and truly have no idea what she wants or needs. This really shook me. I felt like a failure and inept at being a mom. I remember the first time I felt comfortable enough to admit this to my own mom and she was so sweet: "Oh honey, we have all felt that way. Sometimes you just don't know." Wait. Hang on. You mean sometimes I won't know why she's crying or why she's fussy or why she walks around spitting? Yes. That is what she meant. It's still hard for me when I don't know what to do or why she's acting a certain way but I have given myself permission to admit that I don't have all the answers. Sometimes when people ask what's going on with Madi today, I say, "I don't know. Maybe she's teething, maybe she's hungry, maybe she's just cranky because she wants to be." Allowing myself to not know has been actually pretty freeing. (But it doesn't make it less frustrating when I can't figure it out) It's just OK to not have all the answers.

Madi getting a lesson on straw etiquette from Grandma Sandy

I have also gotten great advice from my Mother-in-Law, Kim. I may not know what to do all the time, but I know when I need a break. One time I needed a break really bad from the whole motherhood thing. I felt so guilty about it, but I called Kim up and asked her to watch Madi for a few hours in the afternoon. When I dropped her off, I felt like I should tell Kim that she is watching Madi so I can go to the movies. When I told her, she said, "It doesn't matter to me what you do, go have fun and relax," She told me its important for me to have time to regroup and time to spend with Mike. What I learned is that I have to take care of myself and my relationship with Madi's Daddy so we can be the best for her. When I am burned out or haven't had any time alone or with my Hubby, things just go downhill from there. Now, she may have said that so she could watch Madi more :) but it's really true. Moms need time to reboot sometimes and we need to be able to identify when that is.

Madi learning about all things Wilton with Grandma Kim

Needing time for yourself leads me to the next great piece of advice: Let people help you. (credit for this one goes to: Mom, Kim, Shayla, Jessica, Rayna, Ben, Mike, pretty much everyone!) I think this may be the hardest one for me. My daughter is super fun and amazing but she is exhausting. From food in the hair to constantly feeling the need to shut doors or saying Uh-Oh to things she purposefully did, it's hard for me to ask for help sometimes because I don't want her to annoy people with her constant energy and messiness. Last week, my brother Ben said, "Sit down, Asheena, we need to talk." OK, what's going on. He became very authoritative in his tone and told me I need to ask for help more often (I have a feeling someone put him up to this). I promised I would try harder. But, seriously, one of the best things about having many different people watch her is how well adjusted she has become and all the stuff she learns from everyone. People want to help and people are happy to help. Even her 17 year old uncles like to watch her and carry her for me. When I let people help me, it works out for the best for everyone.

Hanging with the uncles

Advice is tricky and not every mom is open to it. I think listening to advice from other people is very wise. (I didn't say taking every bit of it or that I'm always good about following the wise stuff) Sometimes that is how God speaks to us and we don't want to miss it.

"Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers." Proverbs 11:14

"Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise." Proverbs 13:10

I want what's best for my baby and those who have done it before me or have my best interest at heart have good advice that I don't want to turn a deaf ear to!

Father's Day

I am gonna take a break from the polls to talk about Dads - but please keep on voting for next week.

I have an awesome Dad who I respect and love a lot. The great things about him are what a hard worker he is, how he loves cookie dough and tacos and Disneyland (all things I love too). When he tucked us in at night, he smelled like toothpaste. I remember how he treated my mom well and loved us so much. I remember him and my mom telling us kids that we can do anything we want - and I believe them. I remember his clothes that he wears for 10 years at a time (despite buying him new clothes). I remember his jokes and how we all laughed at them because they weren't funny. He is pretty awesome.

Me and my Dad

I remember when I was a teen wondering if I would ever meet someone as good as my dad that I would want to marry and have be a dad to my kids.

I found the perfect guy. Fatherhood suits him well. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to let Mike do his thing with Madi and form a bond with her - without my interference.  He certainly does his own thing with her and I love it (most of the time). Let me share some reasons why my husband is a great Dad.

#1 - He knows how to dress her
Mike has always been eager to help with Madi. I remember getting ready for church one Sunday when she was about 3 or 4 weeks old. Now if you have had a baby you know finding clothes to fit a post-baby body is not always easy. Maternity clothes look kinda silly and pre-baby clothes are too tight. So while I was having a closet meltdown, he offered to get Madi dressed. I had a dress with tights and shoes and bow laid out for her. I was all consumed with my own dressing dilemma that I let him fend for himself for about 10-15 min before I heard a Daddy-tights meltdown happening at the same time as my closet meltdown. I looked over and he had put the bloomers on first then the onesie then the tights. He was trying to put the tights on like a pair of jeans - one leg at a time. So he got his first lesson on girl clothes. We both ended up laughing and he now remembers tights first then bloomers.

The very first church outfit that Mike tried

Since then he as dressed her countless times. Sometimes its on backwards, but at least its on. The biggest issue I have with how he dresses her is that it doesn't match. I asked him once, how did you pick that outfit? He told me he holds Madison upside down over her drawer and lets her grab stuff. Well, that explains it. So if you ever see her and she doesn't match just remember that she had a good time picking it out.

One of the best examples of a mismatched outfit

#2 She makes him laugh
She makes him laugh harder than anyone else. Everything she does is the best thing ever. Every new trick or accomplishment is amazing and he just loves it. She can do something funny 100 times over again and he is still laughing at it like its the first time.

#3 Patience & Fun
I think for some reason, in my experience, Daddys have more patience. I love to play with Madison and make her laugh and do toddler stuff with her . . . to a point. Mike can do them all day long. We have a blow up duck tub that we used when she was smaller. They use it now for "duck tours." Over and over and over and over he will drag her around the house in this duck.

He loves to make up games and activities for them to do together:

#4 Love at first sight
I could go on and on but if there is one picture that embodies how much my husband loves his little girl, its this one.

The first time he held her

The love and devotion that he has for her was present from the very first day they laid eyes on each other. I am so thankful for what a great father my husband is.


What's crazy to think about is how our heavenly father loves us even more than any earthly father possibly could.

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

There is no way to earn God's love, he already loves me and you - so much that he died for the chance to get to save us. We just have to receive the gift of love from Him.

If you have questions or want to know more about how to receive that gift, please contact me - there is nothing better - in the whole world - than knowing God and his love for you.