Don't Worry, Be Happy

 

My daughter will be two in February and I think her terrible twos are starting early. She often gets stuck on one thing and has such a strong will and determination about it. The other day, Baby Ben was sitting in his little reclining chair, kicking away as 3 month olds do. Madi walked over to him and said, "Stop wiggling, Ben." He didn't stop. "Stop wiggling, Ben!" she shouted. He mistook her intentions, smiled at her and started kicking harder. "STOP WIGGLING, BEN!" She put her hand out so it was just above his foot (as if she was using the force) and began to have a little fit, screaming over and over for him to sit still. This took me by surprise because who cares if he's wiggling? We have bigger fish to fry, Madi. But she cared and she cared passionately. After an appropriate length of time (I realized this was going to involve an altercation if I didn't step in) I went over to them and said, "Madi, it's ok if Ben wiggles. Don't worry about it, be a happy girl."

 

My words hit home with me more than with her. She required much more conversation and redirection but rest assured, Ben is allowed to wiggle freely - for now.  We have been talking a lot recently about being a happy girl. When she whines and complains for no reason, she has to go to her room and can come out when she is a "happy girl." So I have been using this jargon a lot lately. I keep thinking about my words to her. "Don't worry about it, be a happy girl." Sometimes I feel like I run around trying to keep things in my life from "wiggling." When really, who cares? Just be a happy girl, Asheena.

Adorable kids on Thanksgiving

It's ok if things aren't just how I like them. I know I talk about my house a lot. I always want it to be cleaner than it is. It's this upward battle - me against the world who wants my house to be a disaster. It always does better when I don't worry about it, when I clean as I go or clean a little where I am. It all adds up and in the end it's livable and I can be a happy girl. When I am not a happy girl, things always get worse.

I will always pick kids and sanity!

Yesterday I got a break from both kids for a few hours and Mike and I cleaned. It felt so good to get things situated how I like them. It felt like a vacation. Then when Madi got home, she ran over to her toy box and threw a few things onto the ground. Maybe she was excited to be home and wanted to play. Maybe she didn't recognize the house without her toys all over the place. Or maybe she thinks they actually go on the ground and I made a mess by cleaning them up.  Or maybe she knew I wanted to keep the living room clean and it's her goal to throw me off my game - no, lets go with the first one. Either way, my illusion of a clean house was shattered. I internally sighed, then said to myself, "Don't worry about it, be a happy girl."

Amazing photo by
Ashley Jennings Photography

Encouragement

"So encourage each other and build each other up." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Last Sunday morning the usual battle of getting ready for church was in full swing at our house. Mommy and Daddy have to shower. Baby Ben has to be fed then dressed. Madi has to be fed and chased down to get dressed. Oh wait, she doesn't like what I picked out for her to wear. She wants more to eat. She wants to go Trick or Treating (she has asked every day since Halloween). She wants to take a shower with Mommy. Baby Ben is crying - didn't I feed him already? Where is the diaper bag? Does it have diapers in it? Madi wants juice. Daddy leaves to help set up. Madi wants to go with him but has to stay with Mommy (Daddy is always a much better option to her). She starts crying. Let's get back to finding an outfit for her. What leggings do you want to wear? (Don't call them tights because then she says they are too tight) Time to do Madi's hair. Ok let's go, wait - Mommy isn't dressed! Mommy throws fifteen outfits on the floor trying to find something that doesn't look half bad. Madi is jumping on the bed effectively messing up her hair. Where is Baby Ben! Oh yea, I put him in his carseat already. Madi hair make over. Find Madi's sippy cup. Put Ben in the car. Wrangle Madi into the car. Ok let's go - wait, not yet. I need the single stroller not the double stroller. Take out double stroller. Put in single stroller. Get my clothes dirty in the process. Ok, now we are ready. We are finally in the car and we are an hour early. Thank you daylight savings - no one told my kids to sleep in an extra hour!!!!!

My 2 crazy kids

That night, my husband, Mike, tells me he loves how our kids are always dressed cute and Madi's hair is done. He thanks me for taking the time and tells me I am a great Mom. That little bit of encouragement makes the morning seem like a cakewalk. All is right with my little world and all because of two encouraging sentences.

It's crazy what a difference a word of encouragement can make. I think it is underrated in our world today.

My friend, Jessica, told me her daughter's pediatrician told her she is doing a good job. "It is so reassuring to hear that" she said, "even though it may seem silly to some people, I really like hearing it."  It's not silly at all when you think about it.

I just thought this one was funny

It is important to be encouraging to people and it is something we could all benefit from. How hard is it to encourage those around us? When we see opportunity to encourage someone, we should take it. It's not hard and can help form lasting relationships.

I love to hear encouragement. Being a parent is scary enough. As a mom (insert whatever noun works for your situation: student, wife, sister, aunt, teacher, etc.) I am constantly second guessing myself and wondering if I am doing a good job. Did I make the right choice? Am I a good mother? Any words of affirmation, encouragement or support make me a more confident mother.

It is so easy to doubt yourself. That is what the enemy wants. He wants us to feel inadequate, lame, pathetic, stupid, worthless, etc. In fact, he is whispering those very things to you constantly! We have an opportunity to combat that negativeness with encouraging positive words. We should be taking every chance to encourage those we are in contact with.


The next time you see someone who could use some encouragement, go for it! Make their day!

Mistakes

I hate making mistakes, especially when it concerns my kids. Every mother makes mistakes. Even in my young motherhood lifetime I have made mistakes. Sometimes what you think will work backfires. Sometimes you don't know what to do and end up doing what you come to believe as the wrong choice. Ultimately everyone makes mistakes. I can only hope and pray that the mistakes I make aren't major.

Thanks to aunti katie for the best pics!
http://www.katietrimblephoto.blogspot.com/

No matter how good my intentions are, I will mess up: Madison has been very good with her new baby brother. She loves to kiss him (and lick him), hug him (aka squish him), share with him (Madi! he doesn't eat apples!), be next to him (or on top of him), etc. She has a sweet spirit towards him, it is not malicious or threatening (although her size can be both to him). So I was confused one day several weeks ago when she asked if she could hit him. I told her firmly that we do not hit people including Baby Ben. Later that day she asked again. I repeated myself to her and she said, "Ok, Mama." It was wierd to me because if she was going to act out why would she ask? She doesn't usually ask me to disobey, she just goes for it. This continued for a few days. She would ask to hit him and I would say no. Then one day she walked up to him and said, "Madi hit Ben" and she hit him in the most pathetic assault I've ever seen. My daughter is not petite, she knows how to throw down so I knew I had to end this before it really started. She looked over at me as she "hit" him. So I put her in timeout, we talked extensively about how we don't hit, etc etc. During this whole time I felt like I was handling it well, A+ mother award, right? Teaching my daughter not to hit is important and I felt good about nipping it early.

Later, I was burping Baby Ben after feeding him and Madi said, "MaMa hit Ben." Understanding fell on me like a ton of bricks! I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. She wanted to help me burp him!!!! Thinking back, I realized that she asked to hit him every time while I was burping him, so to her little mind I was telling her she couldn't hit Ben while I was hitting the crap out of him. She got in time out for barely touching him and I "hit" him all the time. There goes my mom award. My gold star turned into a lump of coal.

I honestly feel terrible about this incident. I have told this story to a few people and they tell me I am being too hard on myself, but I feel like while this may be a small issue now, the older they get the bigger the mistakes must get.  How do I keep myself from making more mistakes? I can't. 

The only thing I know to do is pray like crazy that God gives me the wisdom to make good decisions. He also helped me realize recently that my mistakes are an opportunity to show my kids how to handle mess ups. I apologized to Madi for misunderstanding her. She didn't know what to call it and the only word she knew for it was hitting. So she now asks me to help "pat" Ben. I can do my best with God's help to do right by my kids and when I mess up I can model appropriate behavior in handling it.

"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22:6

I cannot prevent my mistakes, I can only do my best with God's help to make as few as possible and use the ones I do make to teach and encourage my most precious gifts from heaven, my kids.

Different but just as amazing

I have a new baby boy to add to my wonderful family. I am loving this new life I have. Before he was born I wondered how I would ever love another baby as much as my little girl. Everyone told me they will be totally different but I will love them the same. I was honestly worried because I felt my daughter was super amazing and awesome so how could someone else even hold a candle to her. Well, let me tell you, everyone was right. My little boy is totally different but just as amazing!

Benjamin Michael

 

They are very different and I can tell some of the differences already. My daughter is loud, high energy and opinionated. Baby Ben is super chill and relaxed. He is content to be held, or lay on the bed, or swing in the swing, or bounce in the bouncer. Whenever he fusses, he either needs to be fed or just have a change of scenery. He is also very tolerant of his older sister and her frequent hugs, kisses, accidental kicks and bonks.

 



 

 

 

 

My discovery of how I can love my two kids the same amount but appreciate their differences reminds me of God and his love for us. He loves us all the same but made each of us different on purpose. We each have our unique personalities, strengths, weaknesses and gifts. God did this on purpose and as part of His plan. But dispite our differences and how we may percieve ourselves, he loves us infinitely and perfectly without loving one more than another. His love for us is how we should model the love we give on Earth.

 

"This is real love - not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." 1 John 4:10

 

"We love each other because he loved us first" 1 John 4:19

 

Take comfort in God's love for you this week. It is not based on what you can accomplish or achieve. It is not based on good or bad things you have done. You cannot earn it. You cannot make it disappear. Just take a moment to bask in it and feel it and take comfort in that unconditional love.





Survival Mode

So I would like to say that I have not posted in a couple weeks because I've been in nesting mode getting my house all organized and clean and ready for Baby Ben to come. I would really like to say that. Really, really bad. In reality I have been in a sort of survival mode. Its a good day if Madi and I both get bathed and fed and it's a miracle if we have successfully gotten out of the house. I have learned a lot in the last few weeks. I have learned that it is much easier to rest and nest with pregnancy #1, as pregnancy #2 is plagued with the result of pregnancy #1: a baby that grows up to be a Kamikaze climber and jumper and loves to test my patience. I have also had so much joy in my daughter in the last few weeks.

My little Kamikaze

About a week ago I watch Madison push a kitchen chair to our kitchen island and climb without any difficulty onto the island. She did not know I was watching her from the doorway so when I walked in, she was startled and looked at me. We had a stare off for a second until she broke the tension with her little "Hi."

So I decided to store the chairs on the table because I am 37 weeks pregnant, I am tired, and I don't feel like trying to instill in her the importance of not climbing on the island. Maybe I will feel up to it in a few weeks but as I said, survival mode. So I took a chair down to eat breakfast with her 2 days ago. I forgot to put it back up after breakfast. About an hour later when I came back from bathroom trip # 45 of 1000 for the day, I saw her not only on the kitchen table, but on the other chairs stacked on the table, standing, banging the light fixture. She again greeted me with her infamous "Hi."

I have been told that Madison will be able to sense that I am having another baby. I didn't really believe this until a few weeks ago. There have been some obvious changes in her life recently (and mine too but it's not socially acceptable for me to regress and act out, although Mike might be able to testify to just a touch of that). We cleaned out her room and put some of her brother's stuff in there. We bought a car seat, she no longer fits in my lap the way she likes, etc. When I took out the outfit the new baby will come home in to show my mom and sister she grabbed it and threw it across the room while screaming "NOOOOOO." She's not one for subtlety.

On Saturday, she was sitting in her high chair eating rice, her favorite food of late. She was happy and eating when all of a sudden she picked up her rice bowl and flung it across the room. Mike and I looked at each other and had to walked out because it was so inappropriate and super funny. We can learn a lot from the video I took right after the rice bowl throwing incident:

Lessons from Rice Bowl Throwing Incident:
1. SING/UH-OH
 After you decide to throw a fit and "throw your rice bowl" (insert whatever inappropriate action you are prone to making) just starting singing to yourself (Madison's favorite is the ABC's). It's as if you are in another land and have no idea what has happened. Then when questioned about the action, pretend you have no idea what happened and just yell "UH-OH!"
2. DIVERSION
If number one doesn't work, point out something else that is obviously messed up (singing flower doesn't sing anymore, he just dances). This brings the attention away from yourself and puts blame on something/someone else. It's as if you are saying, "what I did doesn't hold a candle to this other thing that is way worse and requires your immediate attention."
3. BE FUNNY
If you are still at a loss just do something crazy/funny. Try Peek a Boo. It's always a winner. You will make your accuser laugh and realize that someone so funny and cute could never have done something so crazy like throw her rice bowl. I mean, look at her she's so cute and funny.
4. CHANGE SUBJECT
Ask for some juice or something so that the accuser must now stop and accommodate you. You are so traumatized by the accusation that you are now so parched that the only remedy is juice and I'm talking now. Don't forget to throw in your "please" and "thank you."


Sometimes the things that frustrate us the most about our kids turn into the funniest and most cherished moments. I ended up sweeping and mopping the whole floor that day and I am still finding little grains of rice everywhere. But there's something about it that makes me smile. I sometimes have a hard time finding the humor and enjoyment in every frustration but when I can it makes it so much more bearable.

The other day Madi had one binki and asked for the one in my hand, when I gave it to her she help them both up and said, "two!" I felt so proud in that moment. I keep having to remind myself and be reminded that she is not only doing good but thriving despite my survival mode (she still uses a binki due to survival mode).

I sometimes struggle with guilt that I don't have the energy to do this or that with her, but I need to slow down and focus on the things that really matter. Loving and caring for Madi and growing a new baby are my calling right now. It doesn't matter that my house is a disaster and I am at the end of my rope. Somehow I will find a new rope each day and hang on for dear life.

"So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Thank you to everyone who encourages me and helps me right now during my survival mode! I really and truly couldn't do it without the encouragement and breaks I get from family and friends!

Warning: Sappy, feel good post

I don't know what to write about this week. Mike has been gone all week, he took the youth group to summer camp. Madi and I have been holding down the fort here and have thankfully had lots of help. She has been so good and she reminds me everyday how blessed I am.

Last night she woke around midnight, she was crying and saying, "Uh-Oh." I don't know what was an uh-oh, but I picked her up and sat in the rocking chair. She cuddled around me (as best she can these days) and looked into my eyes and asked me to sing. As I started to sing her song, she rested her head and fell back asleep. I thought to myself, I am beyond blessed. I can't believe God gave her to me to raise and I desperately want to do a good job.

It's getting hard to cuddle Mommy,
it's more like cuddling brother.

Since I have become a parent, I think a lot about how my parents and God view me. I have always known my parents love me, but don't think I have ever understood how much they love me until I had one of my own. I don't think I have ever really gotten how much they want me to succeed, feel good about myself and be happy. When I looked down at my baby girl after she was born, I realized that's how my parents once looked at me.

Us and Madi

My parents and me

You can multiply that by a million and realize how much God loves us. He is the ultimate parent. He is the one that is always there for us, we just have to ask. I was thinking about this last night. When we are in our 'crib' of life and we don't know what to do next, we cry out to him. He will pick us up, hold us, rock us and sing us into peacefulness again. The thing about God is, he wants to comfort us all the time, not just when we are at the end of our rope and we have no where else to turn. Imagine how much better life would be if God was the #1 comfort sought instead of a last resort.

"Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant." Psalm 119:76

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

What do I do when my daughter is pole dancing in a leopard swim suit?

Its a 4th of July BBQ. There's swimming, food, music . . . and a 16 month old pole dancing on a canopy pole. Not just once, but multiple times. I guess whenever there was a song she liked she would go to her pole and dance away. My first thought was, "My daughter is hilarious." next thought, "I'm not sure it's really appropriate." next thought, "should I do something about this." next thought, "Who taught her that?" I decided to rest my thoughts on, "She must need help with her balance." There. That's safe.

I have situations everyday where I just don't know what to do. Where is my Motherhood for Dummies book? Or my That's Normal and That's Not reference guide? Do all babies pole dance at this age? Or walk with their eyes closed? or try to drive? or run off down the sidewalk? or try to jump in the pool when no one is looking? or collect rocks? or have an obsession with pushing shopping carts worthy of psychiatric evaluation?

What do I do when I am shopping in the mall and she likes the sound of the echo her Zena Warrior Princess cry makes? Then I walk in a store and she screams at the top of her lungs "OUT" over and over and points towards the mall entrance while standing in her stroller.

On Monday I took her to gymnastics for the first time. It provided many what do I do moments. I had to sign her up while she constantly tried to climb over the barrier between the waiting area and the gym. Then when it was finally time to enter, she screamed "BALL" at the top of her lungs and kicked 4 different balls in different directions effectively hitting a few kids. During circle time, she cried and tried to run toward the slide. Every time she escaped I had to lug my ginormous belly around and chase her. During the balance beam and spring board lessons, she kept cutting in line, then she would do her Zena cry while doing the exercises. Towards the end of class, the teachers asked the parents to step back and let the kids interact on their own. My first thought, "DISASTER." They brought some toys out and filled a sand box with balls. When Madi saw those balls, she sprinted like an African Cheetah (with bowed legs) and belly flopped in the balls. She then proceeded to flail around and squeal like a pig while flinging balls everywhere. The kids all avoided her like death and I don't blame them. I didn't know what to do, so out of embarrassment/my kid is awesome, I laughed until I cried, then I took this picture:

Those balls all started in the turtle before Madi got to it

I am pretty sure we look like a travelling circus.

Madison is a free spirit and I love that about her. I wouldn't change her for anything, I just sometimes don't know what to do. It makes me sad to think that someday she won't feel comfortable enough to squeal like a pig anymore or dance wherever she deems worthy. I have to find that fine line between letting her express herself and keeping her in line. I find it actually really hard to do and I am sure I don't always make the best choices.

Lately, I find myself praying for wisdom in motherhood. It is probably my number one prayer in this season of my life. I want to lay the foundation in her life that will lead her to be successful in whatever she chooses. My job is to teach her how to live without crushing her Warrior Princess style.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James1:5

All we have to do is ask for wisdom and he will give it! That's so awesome! Thankfully I know God will help me and guide me through motherhood - in fact I am counting on it!